Family/Parenting » yelling isn't the answer! by: Jt-unique(f) .:. Mon, 24 Dec, 2018 - 10:03:03:am GMT

Parents, supposing your child did an awful thing, maybe they got expelled from school, or stole something. Would you rather they came to you for help, or not?

Obviously you would. No question, you want to help. But are you sure they're going to tell you? Because they will only tell you base on your previous reaction to their faults. The time they broke that plate or cup, or when they dirtied the wall paint. How did you react then? Did you shout and yell and scream at them? Or did you advice them calmly and explain why they shouldn't do that?
The fact is that shouting and screaming and telling them not to do those things is totally JUSTIFIED but it has the opposite effect to the one you want. If you want your children to come to you, you have to stop yelling at them. This doesn't mean you wouldn't talk seriously with them. Yelling wouldn't bring them to their senses.
If your parents were yellers, I bet you didn't tell half as much as your friends calm parents told theirs.

**Happiness is free. **

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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Frednora(f) .:. Mon, 24 Dec, 2018 - 10:59:39:am GMT

I bet you, yelling is the only language the African children understands because we are used to it. Nowadays children won't even bulge if you calmly tell tell them not to do those bad things. They will be staring at you till You yell or lift up your hands to spank them. They are very stubborn. So, what's the essence of not yelling at them?

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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Jt-unique(f) .:. Mon, 24 Dec, 2018 - 11:39:03:am GMT

@Frednora: I also see your point but remember, your kids are going to gauge your reaction by how you act to minor troubles today, tomorrow and next month. Basically, once your kids reach a certain age, you have to change the your parenting style. You cannot keep yelling at them. You have to turn into a mentor and advisor.

They already know they have done something wrong or stupid, and they maybe embarrassed or ashamed of it. They really don't need you to shout at them and add to their humiliation. If fact, if your reaction is calm and moderate, they will be grateful to you and will come to you next time something goes wrong.
so, by the time they are 18, they will be so forward and not keep a secret when it comes to you. You can't control what your children would do or cannot do. Because if you insist on a particular life style, they can pretend at home and still do what they want to do outside. At this stage, you treat like equals, even if they are in your house. They need that respect from you, so give up yelling and start talking to them like adults, because it's the only way that works.
The African parents are guilty of this because they too were raised by their parents through yelling. So what do you expect?
The African parents need to change that orientation! Yelling makes the children not to feel love. Every human make mistakes. If they children don't make theirs, they won't learn. That's why your there to put them on track by talking to them.


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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Piwizo(m) .:. Wed, 06 Feb, 2019 - 07:47:55:am GMT

Yelling might not be the answer but in someways it's effective, you see bible says in proverbs train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he will not depart from it, meaning that as parents we are custodian of the pattern of life our children choose to live, we are responsible for their lifestyles. If you have started yelling at your child he will get used to it and whenever he wants to do anything bad or wrong and think about you he will say after all what she will do is she will just yell at me and most times than none he goes on with the act, if you use counsel like softly some kids are funny they will say after all she will just talk gentle to me, and it might make them to take you for granted, they might feel you're too cold, the best way to train a child is to become their number one friend, and as a friend you know when to shout yell at someone and when to advice the person, as a friend you tell the person your mind albeit in the right way with the right attitude, because you can say the right words with the wrong attitude, most parents are far from their kids that's why they aren't close to them you don't expect to have a dictatorship relationship with your kids and want them to open up to you, it won't work become their friends, be free with them, play with them and they will be free with you, don't be a boring parent, theres a way to raise a kid but you need to balance it, don't be too soft on them and at the same time don't be too hard on them!!! That's your role as a parent, if you couldn't take care of the kids, God wouldn't have given them to you, so don't fail in your responsibilities as parents

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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Wed, 06 Feb, 2019 - 08:11:22:am GMT

Yelling might not be the answer but can also be the answer. Yelling at your child at times will help so the child will not be filled with the feeling of my mom is a cold woman. It will give the child ability to do things that are not proper in your presence knowing you will not yell at me. But in his dad presence, he would be afraid to do such cause he knows his dad is that type that does not tolerate nonsense. You might be thinking the child is small. He's too small to yell out. My dear, what so ever your child will be it is from the age that you are saying his too small that he would learn it. Yeah! Yell at your child but not always. So, the child won't say my mom is a nagging type. She is always nagging. I don't know why she hates me that much and always nag at me. Don't turn yourself to a dog. Only nag when it is required. Don't nag when you are supposed to advice your child. And don't say just because he's your only child. You want to make sure he doesn't feel sad any where. Then you are actually building a wrong foundation. Let him know his mistake and get it corrected. The bible says.... Spare the rod, spoil the child.. Yeah! You feel beating a child is improper, abnormal but you know very well that what the child does he deserves some strokes of Cane. You didn't do anything to do child. You share the testimony to the father. Well! You should know you are spoiling the child. Now is the time you can correct the child not when he's grown and you no more have all your eyes on him.

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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Velisa(f) .:. Tue, 12 Mar, 2019 - 01:54:17:pm GMT

Yelling at your child is not the best thing to do. Stop being a nagging mother or father, it makes children keep secrets from their parent. My mom was the type that nags a lot. Her yelling and strict habit was one thing that kept a distance between I and my mom. It never gave me the freedom to always tell her what I was passing through. I never one day share my personal life with my mom. I was always on my own. At times she gives her advice willingly without telling her anything. You know as usual, parents will always love to advice their children. My mother was the type that loves talking a lot. But I never shared any of my problem with her. Cause I was a kind of person that is very shy. And plus her nagging. I rather kept my pains to myself. So, I agree with that fact that yelling isn't the best answer.


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Re: yelling isn't the answer! by: Oma_maron(m) .:. Fri, 15 Mar, 2019 - 07:04:08:am GMT

We are in a world where parents in this generation used old tactics or methods to train children and the danger about their methodology is that it affects the child mindset, the sense of reasoning and psychology, I have never been one who believes in the act of yelling at a child for something he or she did that doesn't please you as a parent, if yelling is the way your child understands you as a parent then you have failed as a parent, as parents we are guardians, and examples to our kids, we need to communicate to them when they are wrong not shout, they aren't animals so we shouldn't treat them as one, even the Bible says train up a child in the way he should go and when he's old he will not depart from it, meaning if you yell so much on your child, there's every possibility that when he or she becomes a parent tomorrow he too will yell at his own children, because that's the training he received, and one thing about yelling is that most times the kids don't listen to what you're saying meaning it isn't effective, there's an effective way of passing information or advice and counsel to your children and it's not by shouting because shouting and yelling only make the situation worse, you can say the right thing with the wrong attitude and when you do that you'll get the wrong results, so have the right attitude today and correct your child in love, admonish them with the right countenance and they'll listen to you!!!
**Graced **

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