Romance » please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Kenny11973(m) .:. Thu, 11 Dec, 2014 - 11:27:03:am GMT

A friend of mine told me he have been carrying this baggage round for awhile and decided to see if advice from peeps will set his mind straight. To start of he have a B.sc Mass communication and a foreign language certificate. Speak flawless English and he's the average good looking. No problem you might. Think? Well I got loads of problems.. first of all his parents don't respect me. Why? You might ask. He don't have a job is the simple answer.. He had once but when he traveled and came home he have been searching for 2 years now and they use that opportunity to throw him menial jobs that he shouldn't even be asked to do. He still stay with them(parents) because affording an accommodation will be really expensive, besides he didn't have a job. He have met the love of his life and plan to settle down next year but will he still live in his parents house with all this insults? Your candid advice is needed. his is doing something wrong to make them disrespect Him? Is he useless as they think he is ?
**kenny g**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Kenny11973(m) .:. Thu, 18 Dec, 2014 - 04:50:43:pm GMT

Here my own advice. I told him is better not to do two thing at the same time and also to do the one that need more attention now. So I told him to get a job first, then an accommodation because it won't be that Easy for any lady to come visit a guy in his parent house in Nigeria settings... Seriously there is no much difference in the guy situation is just am staying alone in my Own apartment.
**kenny g**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Fazil123(f) .:. Fri, 19 Dec, 2014 - 03:09:06:am GMT

Quote from kenny11973: Here my own advice. I told him is better not to do two thing at the same time and also to do the one that need more attention now. So I told him to get a job first, then an accommodation because it won't be that Easy for any lady to come visit a guy in his parent house in Nigeria settings... Seriously there is no much difference in the guy situation is just am staying alone in my Own apartment.
sorry, but it is some-how hard to understand your story, i don't mean to be rude, but i think you should polish your use of english a little
****


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Peperempe(m) .:. Fri, 19 Dec, 2014 - 03:17:47:am GMT

Quote from Fazil123: sorry, but it is some-how hard to understand your story, i don't mean to be rude, but i think you should polish your use of english a little
****
o girl, you bad o! english not too easy na, abi na him mama language? smile
**When you see me come around me, all things' gonna be alright now**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Sat, 09 Feb, 2019 - 02:59:23:pm GMT

well I think it's normal for what his parent are doing. cause judging from how they spent money sending him to school and he returns with no job for 2 years. I wouldn't blame the parents and I wouldn't blame him. Because getting a job at times in this country can be hard. and for him thinking of getting married the next year is not actually bad. many he just have faith that he would get a job before then. who knows? but whatever, I would advice he gets a job first before getting married. it won't be right getting married and still stays at his parents home. it's actually not appropriate, even if the parents were nice. get married and leave your parents. he can still hold on to his decision of getting married but let him find something doing before getting married.
**Fearless**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Charity(f) .:. Sat, 09 Feb, 2019 - 04:00:21:pm GMT

He'll have to get a good job first, save enough money for accommodation. He has to be sure he's ready to stand on his own without the help of his parents. Then he can think of marriage
**God is good**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Piwizo(m) .:. Sat, 09 Feb, 2019 - 06:54:03:pm GMT

I have been there and trust that place is not a nice place at all, the only reason his parents are doing this is because they don't want him to be comfortable, yes he might be trying to make ends meet and pushing hard to get a job but as long as he's under their roof, he should expect a lot of that, he isn't useless and is also right to search for love and as long as the girl of his dreams believes in him no problem, his time will definitely come, the only thing he's doing wrong is staying in that house, if he could go squat with a friend at a distant location the better, he needs a change of environment to get a bit of fresh air and trust me when things turn around no one would complain again the insults and hard time they were giving him will turn into words of blessing and a heart of fulfillment!!! So he should not give up
**positive**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Oma_maron(m) .:. Sun, 10 Feb, 2019 - 10:14:28:pm GMT

He's the cause of his problems let him go and work, his parents are right to insult him or being hard on him if not I don't think he will be motivated or inspired to get a job, and I just pity the girl who is claiming she is in love with him, which kind of love are you with a man that doesn't even has a house and a source of living, if he can't take care of himself, how will he take care of you, be wise and leave him alone, your life is more valuable than that except you want to suffer!!!
**Graced **


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Velisa(f) .:. Sun, 17 Feb, 2019 - 08:07:35:am GMT

This can be really frustrating. Parents always on your beck and all of that. Truly we know in Nigeria getting a job can be a bit difficult at times, but if he is finding it difficult to get a job then I will suggest he finds money to start a little business. He's parents nagging and complaining is normal thing some parents does as this might even depend on how he shows himself before them. It could even be that they've seen a job for him or he saw one and refused to do it die to the salary amount. But whatsoever the case may be. It won't be good if he marries now. Let him get something doing. Men has a lot of responsibility. He needs money to get an apartment or does he wants the wife to get it. He needs money to start feeding his wife and even his later born children. When you are dating there are no much responsibilities like when you marry for both the man and the woman. And having savings before marriage is good to avoid running out of money Annie turning to square one. You might keep on struggling in the same level just because you never saved and made plans well. And he should know he would have to wed and pay the bride price of the woman which will cause more money. The woman at this poi t of his life might decide to be with him as she please. Whether to marry him or not. But I will advice her to still bear with him. Or whatsoever the case may be. She has her future to herself. But in all things let the man get something doing that brings money.

**Determined**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Fellybabe(f) .:. Tue, 25 Jun, 2019 - 03:43:57:am GMT

Most parents will do that, cause it isn't their wish for their children not to get a good job after school. All they prayed for was a good job for him that earns him well and a wonderful home.


If he needs to solve this problem, then he must first leave his parent house. Even if he had no job. He should leave then settle down in a friend place or find a place to stay.

Then if he's thinking of getting married. He can also marry but that should be when he has gotten a place where he can stay not his parents house.

But, he should be ready to bear things that will occur after marriage cause he has no job.

And I can advice him in other way round to learn a skills like graphic designing, cinematography, 3D Animation e.t.c. this won't cause him much to learn. So, I will advice he takes some of his time to learn this skills and build on them.

Once he has gotten the skills,he won't even need to hunt for job again and even his parents will be happy for him.

**God's light**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Fellybabe(f) .:. Tue, 25 Jun, 2019 - 04:00:57:am GMT

I suggest if he wants to marry... He should go ahead. Who knows maybe he might be able to secure a job after marriage.


There is a young man that got married to his wife without having a job yet, and all he had while he was planning the marriage was fifty thousand naira and he said he wants to marry.

Seriously, he did... He married with the little he had but not long after the marriage, he got a job. And things went well.

This can also his line of life... Maybe after marriage he would get a job. There are people who prefer employing the married ones than the singles.

I will also advice him to learn a skills. He should look around his environment, look around the society and look for what people can't do without. Learn a skill on what people needs everyday everytime.

Look around your area very well, learn a skill on the needs of your society before you get married.

You might have to search for job after learning the skills, you might just need to have a workshop of your own.

**God's light**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Gbasky(m) .:. Sat, 17 Oct, 2020 - 06:46:47:pm GMT

First of, it is too really too harsh of the patents bully and insult him, their son as a matter of fact. They are suppose to advice,assist and pray for him. It is obvious he lack things like that as regard the decision of settling down in his parents home. That is totally out of it, I don't even think any lady will ever want to go into such marriage.
My candid advise? The should just snap out of his dilemma, forget about settling down for marriage, search for a good job then he can get an accommodation for himself before thinking of getting married.

**HGP**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Phaithh(f) .:. Sat, 17 Oct, 2020 - 09:03:19:pm GMT

I understand that the situation of the country has gone from bad to worse in the very aspect of jobs/employments, this is not enough reason to remain jobless, and to think that he is even a man, common!
No matter how difficult life is, a man has to do he has to do, that's his nature - to be proactive and independent.

I understand that his parents are at fault, but he is more at fault. Living with his parents as a full grown single man is not ideal, let alone a married man.

I could also tell that he is not a man of vision, wait, how can he even think of marriage when he isn't even settled financially, materially and physically?

My own advice is this - let him get himself a business with a small capital (since jobs are not forthcoming). It might be selling of chips, second hand clothes, anything. And then from there he can start saving up, every big organization starts small.
He can also get an informal skill too, he just have to rugged it, he is a man for goodness sake!
Let him leave marriage for now, the love of his life is not running away. She will definitely run away if after the marriage he doesn't fulfil his duties.

**Jesus junkie**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Temmylove(f) .:. Sat, 17 Oct, 2020 - 09:53:05:pm GMT


Here is my own view on this issue.
First, he is the cause of any insult or embarassment he is getting or have been receiving or even the one he will still receive.
I will say it again, he is the cause. There is absolutely nothing on this Earth that happens to you without your contribution. What I mean is that, either good or bad you will have your own to play so as to make that thing happen. Let's examine the issue of ulcer to buttress me point.

A patient in the hospital don't just become an ulcer patient unless starve himself, and do other things that are not alligning with his health condition so he will develop the ulcer so also the issue of this our brother. He contributed to his ordeal by allowing it to happen.

Yes, he might have been trying to get a good job after his back in Nigeria to no avail. That's not the end if the world,the next step I think he should take is to sit himself down and check what can I do?
What do I have ?
Then, from there you might even see you have what those that say they can't offer you a job can have.

Self discovery is important here and after the self discovery, he should start that thing he thinks he loves doing something he derives joy from or things that solve a problem.
I just pray Gid help him and I think he should do and be very prayerful because prayer is the key to every dooor.

**God's will be done**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Jummy(f) .:. Sun, 18 Oct, 2020 - 07:22:21:am GMT

I do not think Marriage should be the next line of action.

Firstly he has to make sure he's stable financially, because after the wedding they wouldn't be using stones to survive plus a lot of responsibilities comes in the way, the house rent, children's school fees. I Know he wants to settle down with the love of his life but he shouldn't think in that direction now even my pastor always talks on this, he would always advise ladies not to marry a Jobless man.
If you are unable to find a Job, start a business there are many people out there that didn't go to school and they are doing well in their business. Let me tell you truth, Going to school is a very good thing but when you graduate hustle like you didn't go to school at all.
Learn skills to do not think you are to old to learn one, it doesn't matter skills pay big time to. Don't just sit down at home get up and do something.

**God is one**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Obajichi(f) .:. Sun, 18 Oct, 2020 - 04:01:07:pm GMT

My advice for your friend by what I gathered from this story is that it's better he gets a job, then save.


He should also tell the lady he intends to marry to hold on a bit. After all,it's for their good. It makes no sense rushing into marriage when one is not prepared. Those who did so, are full of regrets today. It comes with a lot of shame, poverty & hardship.

I'm not saying he must be a millionaire before tying the knots but he must be wise because he has to also take care of his parents.

**I love being me.**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Obajichi(f) .:. Sun, 18 Oct, 2020 - 04:01:23:pm GMT

My advice for your friend by what I gathered from this story is that it's better he gets a job, then save.


He should also tell the lady he intends to marry to hold on a bit. After all,it's for their good. It makes no sense rushing into marriage when one is not prepared. Those who did so, are full of regrets today. It comes with a lot of shame, poverty & hardship.

I'm not saying he must be a millionaire before tying the knots but he must be wise because he has to also take care of his parents.

**I love being me.**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Chiboy(m) .:. Mon, 19 Oct, 2020 - 02:38:59:pm GMT

It's frustrating living with your parent at that stage when you are suppose to be living in your own apartment with your family. They still feed you, clothes you and shelter you, Definitely they have control over your life. You loos your respect to your family and the general public because you can't take up responsibility as a man.

They is nothing good in anything you do, they name tag you useless, most especially when they have spent lot of money on your educational life.
I imagine what that young man is going through now and I really feel for him. But not all parent are like that, they are parent that will continue giving their child hope and courage, why some believe the only way to make their child put more effort in getting a job is by making life unbearable for them.
If you are facing such as a man all u need do is to leave the house, go out to the street and hustle, look for a friend to accommodate you while you look for a job. The only way you can gain back your respect is when you have something doing that makes you leave home in the morning and comes back in the evening no matter how little the pay is.
The problem with graduate is that they don't want to do any job that is not paying well, forgetting that you have to start from somewhere to get there.
Talking about marriage, well it's a good thing, but for someone that is financially bonyant to take care of the family. You can't be talking about marriage when you are still leaving under your parents and without a job. Firstly you have to get a good job, an accommodation, have a reasonable amount of money in your account, then you can start talking about marriage. Marriage is a gradual process which comes with lot of responsibility.
So my advice is that he leave the comfort of his parents house , get a good job, get a good accommodation, then he can talk about getting married.

**Chiboy**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Holashayo(f) .:. Mon, 19 Oct, 2020 - 04:48:42:pm GMT

Hmm..like I once said education is not the key to success, it's just a way to success. Firstly, I will blame him for his challenges and also will not. Why?
I will blame him because he did not think the other way round, or let me say he did not take a step for an alternative.
I will also not blame him because it might be his parents idea or mentality to depend wholely on credentials.
My advice for him is very straight forward pray, know what God wants for your life and not what you or your parents wanted.
Face your future for now. you are a man and you need what it takes to be a man.
Staying in your parents house at that age is sincerely not a good thing. Struggle hard to get your own apartment, that is the way you can be respected.
Change your thinking, create new ideas, seek for counsel, pray, and am sure there will be a positive turn around.

**Damiswag**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: Flat(m) .:. Mon, 19 Oct, 2020 - 05:55:57:pm GMT

Hmmm! Life is in phases in which one must settle one before moving to another phase. If one is left unsettled, the possibility of getting a success from the next one might be difficult. Now, let me first clear it that your parents are not wicked they just want you to think straight and buckle up rather than just sitting down. That doesn't mean you should go and take a wrong step but just make sure whatever you do is not against the law.
Now, the thinking of marriage when there is no job is not a good one at all because of the fact that marriage itself is full of big responsibilities that will be catered for with money not to talk of the wedding process itself. Planning to get married without accommodation, planning to get married without any savings, planning to get married when you can't even adequately feed yourself, isn't it a right step at the wrong time. Well, you might be considering the fact that you are not growing younger anymore, you might be looking at it that you need to quickly give birth to your own kids but you also need to see to it that your are not bring your children into abject poverty. One of the most wrongful thing is when one is planning to give birth to a child without making provisions for the child's living.
So, if you have hunted for job and you are still not getting it, I will advise you don't quit it yet but why don't you consider learning a particular vocation. Look for a vocation that you can learn within the space of 6months to 1year, face it squarely, be serious with it, understand the purpose of you doing it. I believe by that time, you won't just be sitting down helplessly at home creating an avenue for your parents to insult you. Before the space of 3years to 4years, you should be able to have your own shop and working fine and alongside, you can still continue to apply for jobs.


**--**


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   Re: please a friend of mine need you advice. by: MichealThankGod(m) .:. Tue, 20 Oct, 2020 - 10:46:13:am GMT

Here is my own piece of advise to him, first of all, I won't say his parent are wrong for offering him the mere job, because to them, and to there own understanding, they think and believe, that the way, they can be of help, or solve the issue, is by offering him such job, so I won't say the parents are to be blame, or heartless. We all have our differences, what we may consider right, might be wrong to another, and because of this, he should not look at his parent as bad parents, No, because if they don't act that way, he won't speak out and think of seeking for advice, remember all things work together for good.
My advice is him is, He should foolishly follow his parents advice and dance to there tune, this time, he should listen and act, according to what his parent have to say, and accept the job, believe me through that heart of obedient, and humility, he will get his real and well paying job, who knows if God is testing him, through his parent, because out of what we human, consider foolish, that is where God bring out wisdoms, the ways of God is far different from the ways of men.

**Ogun state**


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