Literature/Writing » YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Velisa(f) .:. Mon, 29 Apr, 2019 - 10:08:27:am GMT

The same fight that will breakup marriage A
Will be just another simple fight in marriage B.
It may not even be a fight in marriage C.

Marriage D may use it to trigger positive change as marriage E uses it to consolidate on the change.

Marriage F may use it as a chance to talk
While marriage G will talk and listen.
Marriage H talks, listens and acts.

With marriage I, talk is not enough, listening is not enough and acting is too vague. The matter must end with amazing head bursting, mind blowing, cloud reaching and mountain conquering wet sex.

Marriage J inverts the process and begins with sex.

Marriage K may not be bothered about the meaning or implication of the fight.

Marriage L may make it a warfront that will neither be dropped nor end, a sitcom for neighbours.

Marriage M may not be satisfied with just the war and recruit mercenaries from the extended family.

Marriage N is on social media with it one party posting subs, the other asking on groups and pages.

Marriage O holds it in and chooses not to involve anyone till it implodes.

Marriage P may see it as a reason to "explore and import"

and Marriage Q chooses to become strangers in the same home.

As for marriage R, it's evil people, enemies and the devil. They bind and bind and bind away, ignoring the real issue at hand.

Marriage S will recruit the children and use them to score points.

Marriage T may choose to abstain from food and sex.

Marriage U will keep dodging with work and distance.

Marriage V may embrace violence.

Marriage W may enter silent mode.

Marriage X may listen to marriage A and implement the right approach

as marriage Y listens to marriage C and implements the wrong approach.

Marriage Z may just decide to look around, learn from things seen and heard while understanding that what's learnt needs to be adapted to its uniqueness.

The same fight, different marriages.

Understand that you are in control of what decisions you make in your marriage and just because a situation led to one end with one or many you know, heard or saw, it doesn't need to be the same with you.

You own your marriage, make the best out of it, let that best be defined by what you want not what you see others get.


**Determined**


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Re: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Piwizo(m) .:. Mon, 29 Apr, 2019 - 04:39:15:pm GMT

And to those struggling today with a fight in their marriage, who want to resolve the fight but don't know what to say and how to go about it. Try this:

Dear,
I am not happy and I believe you may not be as well. But then, we have made it this far and believe we deserve to be happy for our efforts. You have hurt me with what you said/did and my reaction may also not have been the best but today, this morning, I forgive you and ask that you forgive me as well.

I want to listen to you more so that I am able to understand you more. I also want and hope you will listen to me more so that you get me when I talk. If we listen to one another, we would not have to fight this way.

It is not easy letting go of the hurt but I want to do that for myself and for the home. Meet me halfway on this because we deserve happiness as a couple.

I wish you a very productive day ahead, let's talk later.

And with a discussion or message as simple as that, you'd have stepped up and made your home better, becoming a bigger person in the process.
Most importantly, you'd have let go of a lot of the hurt and pain residing in your heart. Suddenly, you'd be free, light and happy again with a smile for others.

You deserve that. Now, go and claim it.

**positive**


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Re: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Mon, 29 Apr, 2019 - 04:56:11:pm GMT

IF YOU ARE WRONG, ADMIT AND APOLOGISE NOT TRY TO BLAME OTHERS OR PRETENDING.

In the face of being caught doing something we should not be doing, we react differently. Some of us just own up and apologise, some of us feign ignorance and act not knowing. Sometimes we accept blames, sometimes we blame others who are not there to defend themselves, sometimes we even blame the devil.

Nobody is perfect and there'd always be things we do wrong but while we need to try to not even do those things in the first place, it says very little about remorse, the willingness to change or even respect for the spouse when you do something very clear but you try to get angry or blame the person for causing it.

If you have done something wrong, apologise and begin to work on getting better.

Deliberately trying to blame the victim for being the one that caused it or getting angry and expecting them to beg because you know they love and care about you is not the best. It will only make the issue worse.

Work on not doing wrong but own up and apologise if or when you do. If it feels like it is working for you today, it's only building your spouse's resistance. Don't wait until your love turns to hate before you work on it.

**Fearless**


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Re: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Oma_maron(m) .:. Tue, 30 Apr, 2019 - 03:20:34:pm GMT

GET OUT OF A VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE

This is never an easy topic to address because it touches most people in ways they would rather not admit.
We love and in love, we fight. That is just natural. In the fights however, we have refused to define rules of engagement and this is potentially deadly.
The world is a global village so ideas mix here and there but on this matter, Africa is unfortunately behind. What's worse is that we have been raised to keep it quiet.
Every home experiences a periodic major fight. In a lot of homes, nasty words are thrown, then nasty reactions to the words are dropped and from that point it just spirals out of control.

To an African man, authority is major. Our social value system places a lot of emphasis on this and we love to have it enforced. The man is the head of the home based on ancient societal laws which are not totally applicable today but we are too scared to tamper with it for the fear of having the woman usurp power. Our expectation of marriage is premised on semi - dictatorship. Where you speak and everybody keeps quiet.

Authority should be earned and not enforced via words. My wife should be able to listen to me because I have earned the right on merit through past justification not by the volume of my voice or the bulge of my muscles.
This is the very important aspect that we all miss. I really dislike this topic because not only does it come up everytime there has been a fatality but because its discussion gets emotional and journeys me through a time where lines have been crossed. The same line that plunges a lot of us into denial and silence until the irreparable happens.

Walk away from that fight, maybe even walk away from the relationship if it is not delivering on what was expected.

The longevity of a relationship is based on perseverance but it is also based on the safety of both parties, it stops being a fruitful relationship the day your security is no longer guaranteed.

You need to get out first, you need to get out fast. Only the living can remedy a bad situation. Getting out does not mean baring your world to the whole world, it means pulling out of a toxic and dangerous environment till such a time when it is safe for you to return (if it ever is).

We won't admit to raising hands because many of us regret it afterwards while the rest of us live in denial. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen and it definitely doesn't mean it will stop. The ladies are caught up in the mix trying to balance screaming for help with keeping the sanctity of the home because experience has shown that once you let out the flaws in your relationship, you almost cannot recover from that impression dip (and we all want to look like we have a flawless relationship/marriage).

My dear lady, get out. You can still keep your story to yourself but the man for which you are trying to keep an impression is a repeat offender, a frequent one who is showing no sign of wanting to get better.
We all make mistakes and cross lines we should not cross but yeah, you should be able to tell yourself it was a mistake (please know that the standard definition of a mistake does not include "repeat"). The moment you see a pattern or trend, you need to get out.

It is possible for a man to change so don't let anybody tell you it isn't but please, you cannot be in the same cage with a lion while it learns to be vegetarian.

Every man with a temper needs anger management lessons. No, not the self deception we engage in by paying some professional who doesn't really care so long as his time is getting paid. You need a self driven anger management session that your being craves. It is only this push that gives birth to sincere change on that front.
If you are having difficulties coping well initially, find something "proper" to replace the actions you would have taken. This can even be you walking out to calm down (please stay away from pubs, alcohol and substance).

A wise woman needs not speak if speaking will compromise her safety. Do what you must to keep safe until you can walk away and address it.

Finally, please don't listen to anybody telling you to fight for your right in an overly confrontational manner, their social media posts will not mean anything if the worst happens.

**Graced **


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Re: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Fellybabe(f) .:. Thu, 11 Jul, 2019 - 07:36:10:am GMT

When a woman gets angry, she gets angry!!! Her mouth runs fast ahead of her brain and she pours venom. Any man who can't tame his temper can't live successfully with an angry woman.
Any man who lacks maturity and patience may commit murder if he hangs around a hot tempered, ill mannered, easily provoked wife.

Nevertheless, we all get angry. There are times your spouse does things that makes you want to strike thunder against their cheeks and if you fear God enough, you may exchange the thunder with hot words, words that wants to make them commit suicide or murder!!!

To do that however, is to eventually land in the divorce court. You can't always throw words at your spouse. If you constantly damage them with your words, you will eventually kiss your marriage goodbye.

Angry words kill, gentle words bring life. You can't change any body by bullying them. You can't make your husband listen to you by abusing him. If you want him to give you audience, you must learn to arrest his attention -praise works for any man any day any time.

Compliment him instead of abusing him. If you feel like telling him he is a fool of the highest order, tell him he is the wisest man you have ever seen in your entire life. Say the opposite of what you intend saying when you are angry. Learn to praise and admire your husband, never abuse him.

After, you have gotten his attention through praise/admiration you can then air your displeasure. Respectfully tell him the things he does that hurts you and makes you angry. No one can resist a soft spoken, gentle woman. He will give you a listening ear, show you compassion and change his attitude for good.

The right words is a great asset to invest in. Wrong words are damaging. Don't lose your marriage as a result of untamed temper.

**God's light**


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Re: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY DECISION YOU MAKE IN YOUR MARRIAGE by: Confidant(f) .:. Thu, 11 Jul, 2019 - 07:57:46:am GMT

When a man keeps quiet and gives up on you, it means, he has tried all his possible best to change you, nothing has come out of it. He is tired of wasting his energy nagging, shouting or screaming, he has decided to find an alternative for you, when he finds an alternative, he shuts down completely, no longer cares about you, or suddenly becomes passive, accepting every damn thing you do without complaining and does his things without acknowledging you or seeking your support!


Don't wait until your husband shuts down or become passive before you work on your marriage. Pride and stubbornness will throw you out of marriage. If you are stubborn, rigid and opinionated, your marriage won't work!

What is he complaining about, work on it. Men as a rule don't complain until they can't take the shit any more.

Some women are just so stubborn! They won't just wake up till there is competition. They won't know their husbands are suffering until they see a strange lady with a protruding tummy in their matrimonial home. Pride won't allow them to see their husbands as the head who deserves some respect and submission!

If he wants you to get a job to support him, get the job, if he wants you slimmer, slim down for God's sake! If he asked you to end certain friendships please do so. If his food gets late, prepare them earlier, if he is ashamed of the way you dress, my dear, work on it. If he wants lingerie in his bedroom, please wear lingerie for God's sake, If he is tired of a single sex position, initiate others or follow his style! If he wants more sex, give him more sex!

Marriage is not static! You are either moving forward in your marriage or moving backward, you are either getting better or worse! You are either enjoying your marriage or not, there is no middle ground in marriage!

Learn to adapt, learn to be flexible, learn to submit.

When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence (for your husband you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him-to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband)". AMPLIFIED VERSION.

Your husband is the most important person in your life after God! Place him above your needs and desires, that is what the Holy Book says. Your desires are secondary to his. You don't do anything he does not approve of! If you can't take the shit you shouldn't have married him in the first place. Now that you are married, bend down to work!

Adapt, be flexible, change! What your friends say about your marriage is not your business, God's approval is your business! Your husband's happiness is your business! When you make him happy, God will make sure you are happy! What goes around usually comes around. When you adapt to your spouse he will also adapt to you! When you change, he changes too.

A man can die for a woman who meets his needs. A man will lay down his life for a woman who honours, respects and submit to him. A man can move heaven and earth to stay with a woman who makes him enjoy marriage.

Be humble sister. Humble women are virtuous women. Humble women make their husbands happy, humble women have great marriages.

**Courageous**


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