» The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife by: Kenny11973(m) .:. Fri, 31 Oct, 2014 - 07:21:04:pm GMT

When my friend, Miss julie, asked me to come up with a male version of this post I actually began by laughing. Of course it was an honor to be asked to do the post, but I didn’t fully understand exactly what was required and of course the title was funny. However, after reading through the comments (cheers peculiar light) I now know what I need to write. I have a particular friend who, if asked why he is single, will go on about how it’s quite hard to find a good woman in this Lagos. Note that I said ‘hard to find’ and not that these good women don’t exist, and so I fully concur with Miss julie's assertion about there being lots of correct single women. But I also understand where my friend is coming from and so think i need to break some stuff down so that everybody will understand where I’m coming from on this. Lagos indeed is a jungle and girls are not smiling. As much as there are some lovely women out there, there are also some wolves in sheep skin â€" complete with the sharp teeth! What I mean by this is that there are some girls that represent like they are the right kind of girl: down-to-earth, intelligent, family-oriented, can cook, and of course physically attractive. The problem though is that they know how to say all the right things, but if you pay attention, you’ll see that some of their words don’t match their actions. All of a sudden, they care a bit more about the glamorous life, the money, the parties and the brunches at Southern Sun. Wait, wait, what happened to all that talk about being comfortable staying at home in a t-shirt and jeans and ordering Chinese food? What happened to the â€"sweat pants, hair- tied, chilling with no make up on, that’s when you’re the prettiest” that Drake rapped about? Yes, most women wouldn’t be caught dead leaving the house without their war paint on, but most women I’ve spoken to admit that sometimes they just want to take a break from all the packaging. So when the girl who is comfortable staying in is more of the girl who needs to be at every social function on both sides of Third Mainland Bridge, well you can excuse a fella for being confused. Sometimes it’s not even that convoluted. Sometimes you come across that Intelligent Good looking and Beautiful type of babe (complete with accent) who is correct and checks all the right boxes and you feel you’ve hit the jackpot. Then one day you happen to run into her when you’re having lunch with your parents and you notice that they way she just greeted your mother wasn’t correct. She’s a sweet girl oh, but the proper respect wasn’t accorded to your mum and being the son of a real Yoruba mother, you know you will hear about it later. Something along the lines of â€"Hmm, Dapo, I hope you’re not thinking of that girl as a girlfriend oh. I’m not sure she is up to snuff!” Of course if you’re Igbo then that’s a different matter, but some still hold a grudge, so watch out! Then there’s the opposite of what I just described: the girl with all the correct attributes (that probably matter more to your parents), complete with the ability to make an incredible (melon) egusi soup. She’s pretty, has a good personality, and comes from a good family, but there is just one â€"problem”. She’s never lived or schooled or even traveled abroad and what makes it worse is that her thick Local accent always reminds you of that. You see, it’s not so much that she has a strong Local accent, but more the fact that you guys don’t have ‘The Overs’ in common. Am only joking. Try and start a conversation with someone who do not know M&S or Self ridges or Percy Pigs or whatever, and think about all the small, small things that you have to explain to them which you have always take for granted. The differences between the two of you might all of a sudden become even more glaring. You might start wondering if that person will ‘disgrace’ you if you traveled together or hang around your other Janded friends. It’s unfair, but I’m just keeping it real. I’ve met guys who refuse to date a woman who has not gone to school (undergraduate degree) abroad, which is stupid because na condition wey make crayfish bend. Not to mention that it doesn’t necessarily mean anything because there are plenty of ‘Janded’ women who probably speak worse English than your househelp. As a guy who has been molded by the Overs, your wife should also be of like constitution, and the truth is you can’t really blame a guy for thinking that way. It’s all about having things in common isn’t? Diatribe aside, these are actual considerations for a lot of guys. If you come from one of those tush families that went to Eton with awon Prince William and then you say you want to bring a girl that has only been to Ghana as wife, your family might just slam the door in your face. On the other hand a number of guys want to be seen as having ‘married up’ and so ignore other girls and go for the Janded girl that has all the right packaging because they want to portray success. Again another ridiculous, but still valid concern for a Naija guys. The truth is, for me, that finding a wife in Nigeria is not a straight shot. It’s easier for men than women, I’ll concede to that, but it’s not altogether easy. And when I’m talking about wife, I actually do mean a correct/ proper wife that you’re proud to be associated and who you feel will bring up your children well. Not the kind of women who will just help you rear street urchins that will disgraced you everywhere. I’m a progressive man, but I’m still a Nigerian man and certain things remain true and chief among those is making sure you are a credit to your family and the society around you. You don’t have to speak like Barack Obama, but you have to have the intelligence and constitution that will always make you stand tall, no matter whose company you’re in. And for that, you need the right kind of woman an oasis in the desert, a diamond in the rough. And like diamonds and oases, that stuff just ain’t that easy to find.
**kenny g**

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Re: The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife by: Funmo(m) .:. Fri, 20 Feb, 2015 - 05:46:05:pm GMT


As awkward as this may look in the twenty century, it still happens. Maybe for traditional reasons, uncertainty about the future or whatever excuse is given, most Nigerians abroad are always been demanded to check back home for marriage. The perfect soul mate is here. Even back home, singles living in the urban places, especially males, are always enjoined by their families back in the village (rural setting), to come back home to get a complete wife material. But the question is, to what end? Isn't there true love in the cities? Or abroad? Is getting married at home a guarantee for a successful marriage? Or it is just that folks back home are just blinded to the facts? To what end?

Parents of singles in the diaspora argue that getting married to someone home always make you remember home, as opposed to getting married to someone who isn't home- and who wouldn't care about home too. So, one of the reasons they clamour for this type of union is the fact that they don't want their children gone with the wind.

Culture also comes to play. It is believed that once you are married to someone not from home or at home, you lose touch with your culture and tradition. Which is somehow true. And your children won't get to have a feel of what culture and upbringing their dad went through.

Coming home for marriage purpose has its good and bad sides no doubt. Chances you get someone who truly loves you could be slim. You may just end up being a target of exploitation. You are coming in with hard currencies, any girl will jump at you at any opportunity they get.

A good marriage doesn't happen in respect of location from which the partners come from. When the elements that make up a good marriage are found in the diaspora, work it out and marry. If coming home will guarantee you a successful home, follow your heart.


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Re: The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife by: Webdinet(m) .:. Sun, 29 Mar, 2015 - 07:17:24:am GMT

Nice post! But difficult to read.

Try using paragraph next time.


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Re: The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife by: Papafa(f) .:. Sun, 29 Mar, 2015 - 01:00:45:pm GMT

Quote from Webdinet: Nice post! But difficult to read.
Try using paragraph next time.

Indeed, in fact, it's all messed up, he could really have made use of paragraphs, that is what it's there for.


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Re: The Truth Coming Back Home (to Nigeria) to Find a Wife by: Piwizo(m) .:. Mon, 18 Feb, 2019 - 09:17:01:am GMT

There's absolutely nothing wrong in coming back home to find a wife, I hate it when people actually paint Nigeria to be a bad place like that, it gets on my nerve, while we have our own deficiencies, mention the country in the world that doesn't have one problem or the other, see if you know that were you are is any better why don't you marry a woman over there, if according to you marrying a Nigerian woman is difficult then marry a woman in the county you went to visit, I totally disagree that Lagos is a jungle, Lagos isn't a jungle, Lagos is a beautiful city the most commercial city in Africa, and let me tell you something in case you don't know, you want a girl that can cook, family oriented and down to earth, and you don't want to spend on her, to make her look beautiful and more attractive, what's the crime in going out to chill and to have fun, if you're broke don't come and put a girl in your misery of a world, you want something perfect then you have to create a perfect world, no woman is created to suffer, we don't even know the country you went to and you're just here talking what we don't understand, are you the first person that will go outside the shores of this country and marry a Nigeria girl, Chioma okereke an ever green Nigerian actress got married to a white guy and millionaire in dollars and their wedding was top notch in Paris and you that's from Nigeria that's broke you are talking rubbish, it's a shame that foreigners can see the beauty in Nigeria and tap from it, then you that's a citizen of Nigeria because you went to Malaysia or Philippine you open your mouth and say trash about this great nation, please remain single, good husbands will find our girls, not some broke ass like you!

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