Family/Parenting » My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Suede(f) .:. Tue, 11 Feb, 2014 - 08:45:07:pm GMT

I'm now over 20 years old and I live in Lagos. I am a tattoo artist and have a degree in art (I finished my college in two years). My mom disapproves of my job and that is why she demands a key to my apartment that I pay for with my money. The only reason I gave it to her is because I didn't want to hurt her (my father just died). Anyways the other day she caught me with some of my friends drinking and smoking and stuff and she walked in and made them leave like I was sixteen. I know I need to ask her to give me the key back or change the lock i just do not want to hurt her so what do I say so she doesn't hate me. I just need to move on with my life. But I don't know what to say to her without her getting pissed. Any suggestions?


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Harddude(m) .:. Tue, 11 Feb, 2014 - 08:46:13:pm GMT

Just say to her,: "Can I have some privacy please, Mom?"
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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Kissy(f) .:. Tue, 11 Feb, 2014 - 08:53:21:pm GMT

She loves you and would rather protect you as she has just lost her partner, you dad
**Seeing is believing to those who do not have faith**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Fazil123(f) .:. Tue, 11 Feb, 2014 - 08:56:00:pm GMT

Realize that your mom will never hate you - she loves you. She lost her partner so she's projecting all her love and concern onto you. She just doesn't know what else to do and to keep her busy.
I suggest you sit her down and tell her that you love her very much but that this is YOUR apartment that YOU pay for and that it's YOUR home and you're not a child and she has no right to tell your friends or anyone else to leave. It's your space and she needs to respect it. And for this reason, you ask for the key back because you feel like she's taken advantage of why you gave it to her in the first place.
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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Sambadancer(f) .:. Fri, 14 Feb, 2014 - 04:26:14:am GMT

I think she loves and cares for you, and you don't seem to have won her confidence that she can trust you
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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Womanowar(f) .:. Sat, 15 Feb, 2014 - 04:20:11:am GMT

Oh, your mom loves you, she just doesn't trust you that you are not going to get yourself into trouble: you got to earn and win her trust first. Good mom
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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: HotCakeAt43(f) .:. Tue, 25 Feb, 2014 - 10:31:16:am GMT


Quote from Suede:

I'm now over 20 years old and I live in Lagos. I am a tattoo artist and have a degree in art (I finished my college in two years). My mom disapproves of my job and that is why she demands a key to my apartment that I pay for with my money. The only reason I gave it to her is because I didn't want to hurt her (my father just died). Anyways the other day she caught me with some of my friends drinking and smoking and stuff and she walked in and made them leave like I was sixteen. I know I need to ask her to give me the key back or change the lock i just do not want to hurt her so what do I say so she doesn't hate me. I just need to move on with my life. But I don't know what to say to her without her getting pissed. Any suggestions?


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I see a juvenile girl wanting to be free to do all sort of psychedelic stuffs, and a loving mom protecting her in motherly concerns.
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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Funmo(m) .:. Mon, 16 Feb, 2015 - 03:00:38:pm GMT

PRIVACY PARENTS AND CHILDREN WARS

Parents never really see the issue of privacy as a very big deal. Most often times, they wouldn't just agree that you have outgrown their unsolicited and constant checks. They fact that they watched you grow doesn't mean you are no longer their baby. You will forever be one. Just that they can always take things far and that often gets on our nerves. A child starts to feel the reason for privacy from adolescence and through the teenage years. They shouldn't be blamed, if they don't look out for you, who will? But, as to every problem, there is always a solution. If you feel your parents aren't giving you your space, here are ways to go about getting your privacy:

TALK IT OUT

Talk to your parents when you feel they aren't giving you your space. Let them know why you wish to have your own privacy. It could be to study undisturbed, hang out with your friends without prying eyes, be alone with your love, and concentrate on a task without being disturbed. Whatever the reason is, lay them out purposefully and let them be able to reason with you. Your approach will determine if you win the bid for your privacy or not.

ACT RESPONSIBLE

Most times, the reason why parents are on the children's neck is because they aren't responsible. They don't want you to mess up things, as that is what you are fond of. Start being responsible and watch things change.

GIVE YOURSELF SPACE

If you always around your parents, they also want to reciprocate the company. Keep to yourself once in a while and they will get the message.

BE TRUSTED

Be trusted. If they can trust you, they can be sure of your safety.


**ORIGINAL, CREATIVE AND A SUPERSTAR IN THE MAKING**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Velisa(f) .:. Tue, 12 Mar, 2019 - 01:31:59:pm GMT

Your mom loves you. She does not want anything bad to happen to you. She just lost her partner, she does not want to loose you too. And from your story, you are really the type that needs such a mother. Smoking and drinking and a tattoo artist again. And I can perceive you want the type of freedom that you can do as you wish at anytime. Your mom only want you to be responsible. She only want you to be a good example. I will advice you listen to her. Your way of life has given her reasons to been overprotective.

**Determined**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Wed, 13 Mar, 2019 - 02:00:11:pm GMT

Well... I feel she is just been protective. But she's becoming overprotective. At least as a matured person you deserve some space if not all the time but most times. I think you really have to play wisely. So, she won't perceive. Since you said you don't want to hurt her and it's a good thing you thought of. It's not really good to hurt ones mother. So, you just have to play mature. Maybe instead of having fun with friends in your own house. You can visit them and have the fun at theirs at least by doing that your mom won't know your where about. But I felt you are also living a kind of life that really deserves such a mother. Cause your career and your drinking and smoking habit is something to drive such a mother crazy. Maybe you can make some adjustments in your way of life, that will also limit some of her actions.
**Fearless**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Oma_maron(m) .:. Thu, 14 Mar, 2019 - 07:18:57:am GMT

What privacy are you asking for, from your mom, when clearly you have shown and proven that you are not matured enough to live alone or handle responsibilities, just because you have money to rent an apartment doesn't mean you're responsible, it only means you have money to rent an apartment, and age has got nothing to do with it, I can understand you drinking but smoking with your friends alongside drinking when your mom is around or living with you is a sign of disrespect, you can do that at your friends place and I might be lenient with you but bringing that attitude home where your mom stays isn't nice at all, she might be living with you now but you as a child lived with her for over twenty years and you can't take that away from her, the person you are today is majorly because of the role she played and now you need privacy from her not that you are married, imagine if your mom had collected privacy or needed privacy from you when you were 1 year old and abandoned you, you probably wouldn't be here saying this rubbish, I am still yet to understand what you'll gain from smoking, don't use your childish attitude to kill your mom before her time, God won't be happy with you at all, and always have this at the back of your mind that you are all your mum has got!!! To be forewarned is to be forearmed!!!
**Graced **


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Piwizo(m) .:. Thu, 14 Mar, 2019 - 09:22:32:am GMT

This children of nowadays don't even have regards and respect for their parents again, we don't value culture and behave like people without training and manners, what is this one even saying, tattoo artist from all the jobs that are available you chose to do a job that will lead you to hell and that's leading people to hell, didn't God say we should draw anything in our bodies in Leviticus, and now you're drawing it on people's body not just that, you're drinking and smoking in addition to it, that's very dangerous and sad because you are breaking your moms heart, considering the fact that your dad her husband is late, you would have just adjusted your life and change your ways, who knows whether it's not this same attitude of yours that killed your father due to results of too much thinking, now you're repeating the same thing to your mother, whether you like it or not she's still your mom and you're still her baby, so I'll suggest you start acting matured and giving her some respect, because if anything happens to that woman, her blood will be on your head, so be wise!!!
**positive**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Flat(m) .:. Wed, 18 Nov, 2020 - 10:29:37:am GMT

Hmmm! We need to understand that our parents are not foolish, they are not unwise, they understand when to give you the liberty you need, they know how to gradually let you be on your own, so you need to calm down with them. Do you really understand what is meant by privacy privacy is the freedom from unwanted or undue disturbance of one private life. You see, if you will be doing the right thing, your parent won't disturb you if you are living the right kind of life that they expect you to live, they would not bother to infringe on your privacy but how do you expect them to leave you alone when they see that your life is not going on well, what do you expect them to do when they are seeing you living abnormally.
Just like the scenario you painted, I can 100% assure you that your mother is not really angry with you because of the job you are doing, I can tell you that she is not disturbing your privacy because of the kind of job you are but she is really disturbed because of the kind of life you are living. Just like you mention, you are smoking and at the same time you are drinking now, which responsible mother will want to neglect her child in a time like that. Drinking is not a good habit and likewise smoking is not also a good one and she wants a god life for you, she wants to be proud of you.
Now, you can also give it a test, change your lifestyle, don't drink or smoke again, begin to live responsibly and see if she will still disturb you again. She will definitely not because you are now who she wants you to be. Maybe because you are the only child, that why she has to protect you to the core. So, live rightly and she will free you to a reasonable extent.


**--**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Abbie@21(f) .:. Wed, 18 Nov, 2020 - 01:38:32:pm GMT

From the look of things from my own point of view, I would say from what you have written so far, your mum doesn't feel okay with your lifestyle, she's probably doesn't want you to ruin your life, or did I just read you write"drinking and smoking?",if I were to be your mum, you are grounded,it doesn't matter if you stay in the sky you are so grounded,what you did isn't really responsible at all.


You may be 49,as long as your mum is still alive, you are immature to her, plus if you don't dance to her beats, then you guys are in for it big time. And in addition, your mum may seem more of the praying and religious type, who wouldn't want her dear daughter to go to hell(I am sure you k now hell is real)and your way of life at the moment is the fastest to get to hell, so she monitors your every move in the best way she can, that she may conclude at the end of her journey"God knows I tried". You should be so proud of such a loving and caring mum as that, appreciate her by doing what is right and acceptable to her and see what happens next.

**Abbie **


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Chamak(f) .:. Wed, 18 Nov, 2020 - 03:40:00:pm GMT

The truth of the matter is that your mom only wants the best for you and that is why she is doing all these things to you. You shouldn't be surprised with her behaviour because this is not abroad whereby the whites can easily know when to respect their children's privacy as long as the child is catering for him or herself.


But sincerely speaking your mom should stick to advising you and not for her to be chasing your friends and doing all sorts of stuffs that you don't like. Nigerian parents sometimes fails to understand that it is not everything that is done with force no matter your position in that person's life.

For me I'll suggest that the best thing to do is for you to try to speak to her and make her understand that you don't like the way she is behaving towards you and towards your friends. Make her understand that being an artist is what makes you happy and even if she doesn't like it, she should just keep on advising you politely and maybe one day you might decide to change. But if she keeps on using quarrel and fight to advice you, everything might be in vain and in the long run it might affect your relationship with her which is your major concern and what you're trying to avoid.

**chamak collections**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Francis(m) .:. Fri, 20 Nov, 2020 - 07:28:29:pm GMT

Hmmm.. this is serious. Don't know which song to sing to this beat oo.
I will not say you should disobey your mother because, it is against the Bible.
Afterall she is not directing you in the wrong way. She loves you and want what is best for you, you just have to understand her and act accordingly.
Depriving you from bad acts and friends.., I don't think that is a bad idea. You should be grateful for having a mother that cares. I don't see that as being disturbed or choked, bro, it's a normal thing for a mother to do.
But another thing is that, if you know you don't like it, and you really want to be free to do anything, you can easily call her and sit her down, tell her your mind and I hope she will reason with you. Don't fight or ague with her if she gives her response, she may has her reasons. So best thing to do is not obey her for you to see the good eye of God.

**Francis**


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   Re: My mom gives me no privacy.? by: Jummy(f) .:. Sat, 21 Nov, 2020 - 06:52:46:am GMT

I know how disgusted and irritated you feel about your mom's act to be honest and it's a very normal thing amongst some Nigerian parents let's just say ninety percent they feel they still have to watch over you even when you have a reached a legal age but your mom is doing all this to you because she loves and cherishes you, she doesn't like the live you are living because she wants to protect you at all cost, she doesn't like the circle of friends you are keeping that's why your mom is looking overprotective.

My own advice to you is that you should sit your mom down and talk to her calmly, let her see things in your point of view,give her the chance to trust you. You have to assure that you are going to be fine and would look after yourself.

**God is one**


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