Romance » Mother or Wife by: Oma_maron(f) .:. Wed, 20 Feb, 2019 - 05:56:03:am GMT

Should a Man consult "His Wife" before giving "His Mother" money??? Will it not seem as if the wife is controlling the husband, because recently I came across a relationship like that, whereby the man always consult the wife and asks for her permission and her own opinion before he can give his mother money, to me it's kind of awkward considering this was the woman that brought the man/husband into life, it also brings another question, who should you love most, your mother or your wife. For me I don't think I can love any other woman more than the way I love my mother, that's just my own opinion, good people of Beneyoyo Forum let's hear your own take from this, as it's a cause for concern!!!

**Graced **

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Piwizo(m) .:. Wed, 20 Feb, 2019 - 10:47:12:pm GMT

Well for me its important for the wife to know her role in my house, while i will not be hard on her or be lacking in my responsibilities towards her, i take it as a insult for me as a man to consult my wife before i send money to my mother, secondly i wont be bothered at all if she didnt consult me as her husband before she sends money to her own mom, what every relationship needs is understanding and communication, i as a man can suggest to my wife of my intentions of sending my mum money but not to seek approval from her because regardless of what she says i will still send my mum the money she needs, i am only informing my wife in case she wants to get additional things for my mum, but its so unfortunate that in some homes the woman dictates the rules and the husband abides by it, thats so bad, they practically are being controlled by their wives, not on my watch anyways, so in conclusion what i feel is the right thing to do is, always keep your partner in the loop of every of your activities, dont let her be in the dark, let her be aware, it makes her love the man the more as she knows and understand that shes very important to her husband.

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Thu, 21 Feb, 2019 - 07:38:47:am GMT

Truly the husband is the head of the family but you should know you and your wife are one. I don't think it's good when husband sends money to his mother without letting his wife know or discussing it to a point of decision with his wife. And also the wife sending money to her family without same procedure. Togetherness keeps your relationship stronger.

Things that makes your relationship stronger
1. Unity: you must both decide to do things together. You must be one as the Bible stated that the man and the woman shall leave their mother and father, and they shall become one. Your wife and children are now your new family, don't take your parents family higher than your latest family. They build theirs, that's why you were born. So, you should build yours. And just check on them once in a while. If you are not doing and making plans together with your wife before implementation, then there is no oneness in that home. It's right to love your mother, it's right to listen to your mother. But the Bible has made it clear that you shall leave your mother and father and you shall become one with your wife. I don't support a man loving his mother than his wife.

2. Understanding: this is a very vital thing to note in a relationship. Understanding each others is extremely important, to avoid daily quarrels and fighting. When you understand each other nothing as such would come up. Your relationship must be built in love and understanding. When you understand your woman or man, you will know there good or bad side. What could offend them. What makes them happy. Understanding is the key to every happy home.

3. Care and Love: it is not just enough to tell her you care for her, you love her. But make it worth your saying. The Bible says you should see her as the weaker vessels. She is weak and you are stronger, she needs care, she needs love. She needs a shoulder to lay on. Care for your wife. Women have soft heart, when you show them care they can do anything for me. Just make sure you care for them, they will give you extra and campaign it to the world of how their husband is......


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Velisa(f) .:. Thu, 07 Mar, 2019 - 07:30:18:am GMT

This is a very common issue between husbands and wives. I hope men will realize that the next person after you is your wife and not your mother. Even God who created the heaven and the earth and also gave his only son to die for us he created because of our sin, gave us instructions that a man and a woman shall leave their mothers and fathers and the shall become one. That is the God that formed you in your mother's womb. Your wife and you are one. Your mother also has her own husband. She might love you as her child but would still love her husband more because be is her husband. Loving your mother more than your wife is wrong. And a man should always inform and seek advice from the wife before taking any step. I found out that most men don't seek advice from their wives because they feel, they are the head and should made every decision on their own. Am sure you know that a judge is the one who declares justice in court. The judge is meant to judge the people but have you ever thought of why there is lawyers when there is judge already to declare. Because the judge needs support. He needs lawyers to speak for the people and he would gather his information thoroughly and no decision is straightly made by him but first discussed by the committee of the court. Same also pertain to a school. The principal is the head never makes him take decisions on his own without having it discuss with the teachers first. When decisions in an organization is made by only one person without seeking others advice. The organization will collapse one day. Your wife and children are your organization. Seek her advice. Why do you think the Bible wrote that he that finds a wife finds a good thing? Do you think maybe because she will bear you children? That's not all. She is a supporter. Keep a good home by seeking your wife's advice before doing anything. If not, you are separating your home. It will get to a time your wife too won't seek your advice and children won't do the same. Then you haven't build a good home.

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Flat(m) .:. Fri, 03 Jul, 2020 - 10:54:56:pm GMT

Everybody has is own place and position in life and thereby there is no need to infringe on other person's right. In the life of a man, the position of the mother cannot override the position of the wife. Each of them have their impact in a man's life. So, the issue of whom to love most is not even a point to argue. They both have their role. Just understand that.
Now, the issue of informing ones wife about the intention to give your mother money shouldn't be a controversial issue. Well, I won't say informing your wife about it is wrong neither will I say it is right but will just make both assertion clear to you. You see, when will see a man that informs his wife before he give anything to his mother, he doesn't mean he is hypnotize neither does it mean he is foolishly in love. It might be that the husband and the wife run a joint account, it might be that they both had an agreement to do that, etc., So, there might be a lot of reasons that have led to that step, but what is important is that the fact that he informs the wife doesn't affect what he wants to do to the mother. Likewise, a man that refuses to inform his wife about the decision to give his mother should not be blame because his cause of action might be as a result of past effect of him informing his wife, he might be because of past stories people have shared with him or probably the movies he had watched, anything could be the reason. What matters most is that the giving to the mother is not affecting the wife, so far it is not affecting the need of the home. This is what matters most.
Therefore, either way you have chosen, it doesn't matter, what matters most is that the need of the mother doesn't affect the wife and vice versa. Seriously, we men need to be careful in this area, so as not to offend anyone.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: TYMartins(f) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 05:47:18:am GMT

Marriage, I believe, is the coming together of two people to become one. They no longer are two people now but are seen as just an entity in the sight of God. The Bible says "therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Is it wrong for a husband to seek his wife's opinion about a particular issue, even sending money to his mother? No. It is not seen as her trying to control whether he sends his mom money or not, it only shows that he respects what she thinks. When you get married, you do not just get married to the man, you get married to his family, I hope you understand what I mean. His family becomes your family, there's nothing like husband's family or wife's family, it becomes our family. So, everything that pertains to that newly formed family should be decided on by both of you.
The mother has fulfilled her role in birthing her son and he has to take care of her definitely, however, it shouldn't be done at the expense of neglecting your wife's opinions. What if she has a better way of doing it? What if rather than giving her money, you need to get her some stuff? Your wife is not there for decoration, her opinions matter as much as yours in a marriage, even when it comes to taking care of 'our' family.

**With God nothing is impossible**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Phaithh(f) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 07:39:30:am GMT

@Gooddypye: You are right miss. The husband and wife are one. He should be able to discuss it with his wife. But it's not for him to get permission, but to let her just know. Who knows? The mother might still go behind to ask for money from the wife (some mothers are like that).
**GOD is Love**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Glamour(f) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 07:52:13:am GMT

I don't think it's is compulsory for a wife to know about her husband giving money to HIS MUM. Some men today are alive because of how far their mother's love have gone. Do you know what some mothers have done or given up just to help and save their child. If he what is wife to know it's not bad, but he shouldn't ask for permission to give his mother money as long as he has it. The case can go another way too, if the man only gives his mother and not the wife then that is a problem. I would support any woman that complains if she is this state, because I feel it might be wickedness.

I can't marry a man that sees his mother first before me, a man that feels in every form that his mother is first in line. We are not going to be having peace in that house. Let me give this scenario, a married man was having an argument with his father-in-law, his wife was there when she decided to talk her husband said to her " dear go to the car, this between your father and I" and her father said sit down there, as a lady if you were the one, who would you obey?. Now for me in this situation, I would listen to my husband so I don't end up going to apologize, my father cannot marry me. But if it's the other way around in this case myself and my mother inlaw and my husband decides to listen to his mother, it is over. I am not saying you should not love and respect your mum.

**God's favorite**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Dynameak(f) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 11:34:22:am GMT

Every person in your life has a distinctive role to play and relating with each person shouldn't be subjected to making one person feel important while the other is treated with less importance. A mother is golden, a wife is also precious Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. The bible also admonish us to honor our parents. If a man choose to let his wife in on the things he does for his mother, I see that as transparency and a wise woman will do well to encourage her husband to continually give to his mother.

It's evident that the parental role of a mother and the marital role of a wife are different. There are homes where the couple do things together so much that the idea of possessing things individually doesn't cross their minds.

I heard of a story that a husband told his wife he want to send some things to mummy as she made request earlier that day. So he showed his wife the list mummy sent and she began to cut down on the quantity of the food stuff mummy listed and said he should give her #20,000 instead of the initial amount she requested for. The husband was surprised at his wife's action and he immediately made her know it was her mother that requested for all of the things she was reducing but it was too late to make changes because the husband already settled his mind on all she approved for mummy. It is clear from the story that the husband has taken his wife's mother as his mother but his wife hasn't taken her husband mother as her mother that was why she was cutting down on the list of things mummy requested for.

In marriage it is important for the couple to accept their family members respectively. Accepting family members will help the couple do things as required for family members in oneness and that will make living to be more beautiful.

**Life is a race but with God's element of grace it'll be worth while to explore His goodness. **

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Breezy24(m) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 11:59:13:am GMT

Well what matters the most in a relationship is understanding, I don't think a man have to ask for permission from his wife before he sends money to his mother unless they have a joint account, That's still understandable.

There's nothing like who's loving who the most, Both should be loved equally. I would still pick my mom anytime anyday cause the place of a mother can never be replaced but that doesn't mean I would not love my wife to, I would love her to, No one should be treated differently they both hold a place in a mans life.
The first issue about asking for permission before giving money is not really necessary, If your wife now tells you not to send money to your mom, would you now follow what she said ? If you want to send money to your wife would you ask your mom ? All this shouldn't be a issue, I do not think there's a need for any permission or something.
If a man feels he needs to,Good for him.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Leks(m) .:. Tue, 07 Jul, 2020 - 05:08:55:pm GMT

Mother and wives are precious gift giving to us from God. Mother brought us to the world and we continue the process with our wife to bring child to the world ensuring continuity from the will of God. With that you would have realised how precious mother and wife are.

Now about consultation from your wife before giving your mother money. Well that shouldnt be a topic tho and a sane wife should be demanding fir consulation from the husband before fending for his mother. The husband can choose to consult but that shouldnt be a us good if he consults but not a must because females tends to know what we wants and with that the wife can help in that aspect. Consulting her shouldn't stop him from fending for her.

**Olamilekan Salako**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Blackie(f) .:. Thu, 09 Jul, 2020 - 09:56:05:pm GMT

I find it weird when wives put their husbands in such a position where they have to pick. Why would a man pick between his wife and his mother. Both are equally important. A mother is someone in which a guy spends majority of his time with, she's someone who as been with him from the moment he set foot into the world, so why then would a wife come and put her husband into an awkward situation. In situations like this, the man ends up being confused. Whereas a wife is as important as a mother. A wife is someone who's supposed to support all her husbands decision and point out his mistakes where she feels something is wrong. A wife is an important part of a man's life. A good wife would neever make her husband choose between her and his mother. It's absurd and frustrating.

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Victoria(f) .:. Tue, 29 Sep, 2020 - 07:30:33:pm GMT

Mother or wife. I know that this is for the guys but I just have to give my own input. That's what I love to do anyway. Most men can not decipher or know when they have to pick one of these two women. I am not saying you should pick a side permanently or treat one wrongly in favour of the other person or get into unreasonable quarrels, arguments or fights. I usually wouldn't recommend for you to even have to pick because we all know how that kind of situation ends. As a man, you should understand that while your mother and your wife can be super close, they can also be formidable opponents. If your wife and your mother happen to fall under the peaceful category then you should thank every available diety that you don't have to go through the whole stress of setting disputes all the time. On the other hand, if your wife and your mother are like cats and dogs, then you just need to resign to your fate of a lifetime of stress if you don't find a way to create peace between the two parties.
There are some situations where you need to pick one over the other obviously. While you shouldn't be a mama's boy, you shouldn't also be your wife's handbag. You shouldn't let anyone disrespect the other either. If you know they don't get along, then you need to find a way to keep them apart from each other of you love your peace of mind.
I want to ask though, if you're going out with your car, who will you tell to sit in front with you? Your wife or your mother? No doubts, it's a hard question to answer.
You should know that even while you owe your mother everything for raising you, you belong to your wife now so she should be your main priority. You need to understand that.

**Live, love and heal...**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Adegboyelove(m) .:. Tue, 29 Sep, 2020 - 08:21:27:pm GMT

I don't think it makes sense for a husband to ask his wife for money because the bible clearly shows that one who does not take care of is mother is worse than a nonbelievers, and I don't think anyone who is wise enough would do such a thing because the man is also the head of the family and so he as the right to make decisions without been questioned.

But,a wife might decide to ask if the man does not take care of is own very family but is only focused on is mother in such a case the wife can ask for what's she wants but she should still not control the man,and if the man does not change is character it is advisable that she reports the case to his mother and I believe a reasonable mother will speak with the child appropriately.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Obajichi(f) .:. Tue, 29 Sep, 2020 - 08:57:31:pm GMT

This is a big issue in most homes.

I believe that a man's mother & his wife both have their places in his life.

There is no use to always consult your wife before sending money to your mother except in the case where the man may be cash drained & he needs to borrow some money from his wife to send to his mother.

Let's not forget that before the wife came into his life, he had a mother who took care of him w whether or not she was a wealthy mother & he must still take care of his mum as long as she is alive.
Wives need to realize this too.

**I love being me.**

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Abbey(m) .:. Wed, 30 Sep, 2020 - 06:05:20:am GMT

Mother or wife.
Mother is very important in this case a married man shouldn't ask his wife for any permission before he gave his mother money. My mother is my mother she gave birth to me nurtured me right from birth so when I grown up and I marry mu wife would now be dictating for me either to give my mother money or not capital no, I prefer my mother than anything else and if my wife feel she can't cope with that she has the opportunity to go back to the her father's house.
The person who I love most is my mother and I have to treat her very nice because she has suffered for me, although wife is also important but it has level my wife don't have the right to interfere with my mother issue either I gave her money or not or how much did I give her, although there are some husband who usually receive order from the wife before they give money to their parents but for me i can't do that

**Abbey **

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Gbasky(m) .:. Thu, 01 Oct, 2020 - 02:11:37:pm GMT

Frankly a man who seeks permission from his wife before he give out to his mother is not a man but a boy!.
However, discussing your plan to give to your mother is not a bad idea, but a risky one. We need to set things straight in other to avoid unnecessary problems.
If a couple shares a joint account, then they should be aware that withdrawal and purpose of withdrawal should be disclosed between them. Culturally is this proper? No, professionally is this right? Yes. So if a man must seek his wife's permission before giving to his mother, he should be doing it not because it is right or wrong but the only way to do it as the case is. I only fear for what will happen if the wife refuses.

But in a case where there is nothing like a joint account and the husband still seeks his wife permission to give his mother money, then there must be something wrong somewhere.

Decisions like that should be taken alone by the husband, after all its his mother. Maybe we don't know that in this part of the world (I mean in Africa) there is no total coherence and cohesion between the wife and the mother in-law. It only takes the grace of God to find a good wife, it takes extra grace to find a good daughter in-law.

You might just hear say yes all the time you seek for her permission but deep down, she is not happy with it because you tell her all the time you want to do something for her and that makes her feel some kind of competition within her.

my little advise?
Just set things right from the onset, don't be fooled by love and then create unnecessary problem in your home.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Wisemamsam(m) .:. Thu, 01 Oct, 2020 - 02:59:02:pm GMT

The problem we have in our society as regarding the issue of mother or wife is becoming alarming by the day, and this is simply because of misplacement of priority and standard.

We are have failed to understand the place of a wife in the life of a man, and the place of a mother in the life of married man.There are something's that will will definitely change about a son who get married. The role of a mother in the life of that young will depreciate to some extent. Reason because this guy has double responsibility to take care of.

It is very important that every mother know the place of a wife in the life of her son. When a child get married, he automatically becomes one with his wife, and at such, everything should be done amicable and uniformly.
It is not wrong for a husband to inform his wife, when trying to send money to his mother. That is not foolishness, it is openness and a sign of oneness.It should also be clear to the mother that the wife of his son automatically assume some position she was occupying in the life of her son before he got married.

When this, is gotten right, they will not be issue of problem between the mother or wife.Thank you.

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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Chiboy(m) .:. Sat, 17 Oct, 2020 - 08:06:42:am GMT

Consulting your wife before giving money to your mother is right. The reason for consulting your wife is not because you are scared of her, but for her to b aware. They are married and through holy matrimony they are one. So they're to carry each other along in anything they do.

If a man does not consult the wife before giving money to the mother, then they is a reason for that. Maybe he has consulted her once on such matter and she kicked against it. Refusing the man from giving money to the mother. Which might be the reason why the man has decided not to consult her before giving money to the mother.
Who do you love must between your mother and wife?
I will say both have significant role in the life of every man.
Love can not be measured nor ranked, so I will say they are both loved.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Holashayo(f) .:. Sat, 17 Oct, 2020 - 09:24:48:am GMT

A man who chooses his wife over her mother is a cooperate bastard.
As for the wife who takes control of the house, the fault is from the man. He may not be capable enough to carry out his responsibilities so he rather depend wholely on his wife.
This issue is really affecting many families out there. It is not a sin for a woman to have upper hand than her husband but most women turn it into something else, they will start behaving rudely and arrogant towards their husband.
If truly the man loves his wife and he did not get married to her because of her money, there is no need for taking permission or begging her just to help him with money for his mother.
The wife are meant to be submissive to her husband no matter what. If the woman truly loves her husband, she will do everything in her husband name for it to look like he is the one taking care of the house.


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   Re: Mother or Wife by: Flat(m) .:. Sun, 18 Oct, 2020 - 07:48:15:pm GMT

Hmmm! Issues like this are needed to be settled during courtship before the date of marriage is visible at all. It is so important to the extent that if proper care is not taking it can destroy a new marriage within this space of a year. One thing I will want us to admit to is that, whatever you one to regard as a secret either as the wife of the husband, no matter how big or small it might look like should be a thing of secret between both, that is, both the husband must be aware of it. So, everything the husband do must be clear to the wife and likewise everything the wife is doing must also be clear to the husband. Now, if you say you love your mother than your wife, my brother that's a big lie. You see, one prayer that is very important that we all pray is that we should never marry the wrong person because of the fact that marrying the wrong person might lead you to think your mother is far better than your wife. But when you love your mother and your wife, you will see your mother in your wife, which means your wife will act like your mother and also as your wife.
If understanding is lacking in marriage, misunderstanding is inevitable. We need to grow to the point that will both see our parents as one just as we see ourselves as one. When the husband sees the parent of the wife as his parent and likewise the wife sees the parent of the husband as one, then the monitoring spirit when it comes to sending money will be reduced. So, I don't see anything wrong in informing your wife about the intention to send your parents money rather me I even see it as a way of her trying to cut are own expenses short.
Therefore, let's be open minded to eachother. God bless us.


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