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Family/Parenting » Marriage Expectations... by: Rashberry(f) .:. Wed, 09 Sep, 2020 - 08:23:57:pm GMT
Before marriage, we all thought that once the knots are tied, this life go sweet die. Only you with your man/woman, enjoying, partying, shopping, doing somersaults anyhow, this, that, yen yen yen????... Ak?k?????

Most of us didn't consider the pressures that would come from home keeping, financial pressure on the family, stress from inlaws, friends, coping with the demands of our jobs while securing the home front, etc.

We didn't even think that a time would come when little discussions could result to very big quarrels, and you could actually keep malice with your partner, and say to hell with him/her.

We thought having sex everyday would just be fun since we've gotten the licence to be weird, we never imagined that we would one day be forming tayad in the oza room????.

We thought everything would just go as planned and we will live happily ever after, never did we imagine the frustrations, the heartbreaks, the regrets, the hurtful words and actions that would one day come from our heartthrob intentionally or otherwise.

Most of us thought love texting is fun and would never cease, but here we are, sending list of things to buy, issues to be resolved, school fees, utility bills, etc ????????most times even forgetting to add love you at the end of the messages.

What about pillow talks, ????. We enjoyed lots of it during courtship, discussing the future, totoring each other, giglling throughout the night, and all... We thought marriage would bring out the PhD of that aspect... ????????. Little did we know that sometimes we would sleep off on the couch even without having our night bath. Pillow talks haff advanced to kitchen/on-the-way-out talk????

As you're coming out from one challenge, you're faced with another. It's like a loop, we keep going round and never getting to the end.

These things are overwhelming to a lot of people, you see wonderful sweet women becoming something else, the men most times start looking for outdoor activities, some, see themselves as stuck with each other and just continue to manage and hope for a better tomorrow, while the impatient ones seek ways and excuses to return to spinsterhood/bachelorhood. ????&zwj??

It takes a lot to make this thing called marriage work. If you've not been there you won't understand any of those??.

So the next time you see couples celebrating their marriage anniversary, rejoice with them, cos what they celebrate is beyond the beautiful appearances they put up and the fine pictures you see on social media.

Every marriage anniversary is worth celebrating, don't wait until you're 25years in marriage.

Kudos to all men and women who despite the many challenges are still keeping up with the love they saw and believed in, may God continue to strengthen your home and give you double success for every effort you make, Amen

Cheers ????????????????????????????????????????




**ARE..**

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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Obajichi(f) .:. Mon, 14 Sep, 2020 - 09:08:28:pm GMT

     A female pastor once told a young lady that marriage is like a loaded bag you take home  from the market & only discover what is in it when you unpack the bag.


     Many marital expectations have crashed because what both parties thought they saw wasn't what it turned out to be.

     The problem I have with this generation is that they have high expectations which if not met could lead to separation.

     Never create high expectations so that you can learn to groom your marriage.
It takes two to tango.

     The grass looks greener on the other side because people took care of it.
So, cut down on those high expectations so you don't die of disappointment.

**I love being me.**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Nagiano(m) .:. Mon, 14 Sep, 2020 - 09:43:13:pm GMT

Nice statement from the original post, every anniversary is worth celebrating and don't wait until you are 25years in marriage before you celebrate it.


Marriage comes with a lot of expectations but it is not something you just jump into because of some certain factors like peer pressure,  parental pressure, societal pressures. You have to really think carefully about it and prepare your mind for it before going into marriage. 

Marriage is like an institution where students crave to gain admission into the universities without being aware of the demands of the institutions itself. It is when many students have now gained admission and try to meet up with their own expectations that they realize what they are in for. Because things won't go as smoothly as they pictured it.

People should learn to understand that sometimes the road is not always smooth, there are pot holes in some places that will want to sway you to a different direction from where you're headed. In other words, marriage is not always that rosy and it is not all expectations that gets to manifest in reality. Challenges will definitely come and once your mind is not prepared for it things might just fall apart. 

Marriage is a beautiful journey to embark upon but prepare your mind for the obstacles ahead that will want to prevent you from getting to your destination.

**Man United for Life**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Sardyne(f) .:. Tue, 15 Sep, 2020 - 10:39:03:am GMT

Like someone once said to me, "marriage is the coming together of two imperfect persons to make a perfect union". That has since remained somewhere in my mind because I saw a lot of sense in what she said. She said that couples have to first of all understand that they are both imperfect. If you know that you are not perfect yet and can make mistakes, it will be easy for you to accept your spouse the way he or she is. It will be easy for you to understand that your spouse is also imperfect and can make mistakes. It will be easy to tolerate your spouse when he or she does anything that you are not comfortable with. It will be easy to give excuses for your spouse's behavior. 


I know that many times we expect people to behave exactly as we would. We even expect them to the things we want, just the way we want them done. We try to change them into becoming who we want them to be, forgetting that everyone can not be the same
 Everyone can not think, act or behave the same way. We are unique in our own different ways. The blend of two persons is more beautiful than one. Allow your spouse express himself. You will see how beautiful he is when he can freely be himself around you. Stop trying to change people. Its not healthy. Let them discover themselves in their own way. 

I have learnt that some many factors contribute to who people become on the long run. I have a friend who always complained about how her husband treats her whenever she falls sick. Her husband doesn't believe that sickness should keep you in bed. He feels the best way out of being sick is to be active. So he expects that she should be more hardworking even when she is sick. Whereas, she grew up in a home where she immediately becomes daddy's pet anytime she falls sick. Her mother can even go to the extent of serving her food in her room so that she doesn't stress herself to stand up. And here she is with the kind of man she married. At first, she thought her husband was just being wicked bit she later got to understand that he wasn't. He didn't have the same upbringing like she did, so there was no way he could have behaved the same way her father did. Now, there is more underwtsnding between my friend and her husband because she understands him better. 

There are so many issues that marriage will offer, it takes patience and a praying heart to overcome. May God help us, so that marriage will not become something we regret ever going into.

**-The beloved of God**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: StellaMariz(m) .:. Thu, 17 Sep, 2020 - 07:49:50:pm GMT

HHmmmmmmmmmm. Its a different ball game from what Movies and novels paints to us. Everyone with its unique case.
**The just shall live by faith**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Temmylove(f) .:. Thu, 24 Sep, 2020 - 05:28:18:am GMT



Marriage is filled with lots of surprises.
Marriage is what we call responsibility. To be married is a good thing, infact it is the best option for anyone who thinks he or she is ready  for sex. When preparing for marriage, we should always have it mind that where you're going into is  a school where what you learn daily will be input back day by day.

One of the surprise that may await you in marriage is that your spouse may be used to snoring while sleeping which is something you hate with passion, what are you going to do about it? Let's say  your spouse is not as neat as you are, what will you do?
What if your in-laws are saucy, what solution step will you take?

The point and fact is that marriage will always have it's challenge but each partner should be prepared or with the heart to accept some changes you never planned for in your life.

We go into marriage because we love our partner, that is why they say it is in marriage we test real love. Some will claim they love you which is not true but in marriage you will surely know.
Marriage is all about understanding so you must make sure you try to listen to your body partner and reason together. I know of a couple that do display to love to each other while they were still in courtship.

Gradually courtship turn into marriage, the husband loves to eat his food fresh. I mean he doesn't like to microwave his food, or keep his food inside cooler. He love his food to be hot and fresh while the wife is used to preserving food in the cooler or make use of the microwave to save stress.
It came as a surprise to her that someone will not want his food to be microwaved.

Yes, I concur to it that marriage anniversary should be celebrated from time to time. Marriage is a lifetime job and for those that stay put in there not minding the stress and pain, they worth to be celebrated. 

**God's will be done**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Adegboyelove(m) .:. Fri, 25 Sep, 2020 - 08:57:20:pm GMT

Before jumping into marriage do you have everything you need so why should you expect everything in a marriage, and also if he /she promises to do something  and it delays  you should try to understand what the person I've been going through rather than just feel like the person has been  useless or the person is not good enough for us. So how canwith issue that may arise due to expectations not fulfilled.

1)show empathy and try to understand the person feelings and the things causing the delay.
2)since you have been with the person for sometime you should know is character and how he does things and that will help you to know whether he is purposely delaying or not.
3)you can also try and get what the person need,if you are unable to get it quickly as expected then you should know that the person himself might be struggling to get that thing but circumstances beyond is control might cause him to slow is pace.
4) we should know that weare not perfect and we make mistake at times, so it will be better for us if we do not get overcome by emotions,but if we calm down and see ourselves in is current circumstance we might be able to get over it.
5)lastly,we can ask for help to cope with the issue that arise and we should try not been to egotistical rather be humble to ask for help and also try and apply what you are told,if you do so you will be able to probably overcome your desire for expectations and view the situation better.(amnot saying we should not have desires, rather am saying that if they delay we should not because of that cause fight or do thing that we eventually regret rather we should calm down and think of the way out of the problems.)

**Loveth**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Vickybrown(m) .:. Mon, 28 Sep, 2020 - 03:50:13:am GMT

          Many attimes people fail to realise that there is no perfect, and when you hear people talk about how magnificent their marriage is, it might not be as true as it seems.

I could remember a lady talking about a story of her marriage life, she said she was always happy when the pastor talks about marriage and hw amazing it is when she still single.
           So when she got married and was having issues with her husband she decided to visit the pastor at home and talk to the pastor about her marriage issues, on getting to the pastor's house he caught the pastor beating his wife up.
          There is no formula or receipe to a god marriage because what works for one might not work for you.
           Marriage is the coming together of two imperfect beings to make things work and also work towards perfection.
         Marriage is commitment as it takes two to make things work, there would be no joy and harmony in a home where one spouse is just giving everything to make things work.
             

**Just me**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Abbie@21(f) .:. Mon, 28 Sep, 2020 - 12:45:02:pm GMT

    Marriage is the legitimate union of a man and woman, marriages are expected to be have a long lasting end till death, but it is a pity that majority of couples today couldn't do that and they ended up divorcing each other which is a very bad thing to do. Elkanah did not divorce Hannah his wife because she was barren till God answered their prayers, and Abraham did not put away his wife even when they were of old age because she could not bear him a son till God blessed them both, it has become a big problem to families when a woman can not bear a male child  those men that take these things as a issue are cowards and illiterates no matter how far they have gone because if they were educated as they claim to be they will understand that whatever gender a child is is determined by what the child's father gives to the mother, they are the ones that produce the child's gender be it male or female, they are the ones to blame not the woman, and because of their foolishness they will get married to another woman and once their luck shines they will say to their foolish selves" the first woman could not give me a male child , since the second woman gave me what I want she is automatically my favorite",men listen male or female they are all gifts from God , don't maltreat an innocent woman because of what you are responsible for and don't incur God's wrath upon your life, be satisfied with your wife and the children she gives out so that your blessings won't be hindered through your life time on earth.

  I have heard of another story of a man who after 10 years of marriage , would always beat his wife up and maltreat her, it got to a time he picked up a knife and told her to leave his house if not he would kill her and out of fear for her life, she left him,what was the reason for all these acts ?,it was because the woman could not conceive,after she ran,she met someone else and they both got married after 6 months of marriage,she conceived and the man heard the news,the thing was ,the man was the problem it was his sperm count that was low nothing was wrong with the woman but she got beated for something she was innocent of, he called her all sorts of names  and at the end she laughed last, he went to the church to ask for forgiveness and he met the man of God on his way the man of God asked him about his wife and he told him that he has divorced her and the man of God told him that that woman was his soulmate from heaven and that was how he lost his wife.

  Marriage comes from God and the fruit of the womb is a reward from him, a marriage that don't have love in it cannot produce good children or may not produce any at all. God supports love in a marriage from the book of Genesis chapter 1 till the end , God knew that creating Adam wasn't going to be enough, "the man shouldn't be alone , I will make an help mate for him" God said,so he made Adam sleep deep and he took one of his ribs and made Eve,and getting to the end of chapter 1 of Genesis,Adam knew his wife and she conceived.
   Who is a wife?, A wife is a legit name for a married woman, A man shall leave his father and his mother and cling until his wife and the both of them shall become one flesh. 

****


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Fashnet(m) .:. Mon, 28 Sep, 2020 - 06:33:29:pm GMT


  Let me come in by saying that the expectations from marriages after the wedding day is just another type of life that is different from whatsoever life the man and the woman has been living before the wedding. The way they both see one another differs totally.

  A lot of people needs to be aware and they also need to be totally oriented on what life is after wedding. It is somewhat different from what both parties are used to previously and how they have been relating to themselves as this is a new phase of life.

  Some feels that life after wedding or marriage is going to be fun filled always. Some feels its going to be bed laid with roses and fragrances each setting day. Some even feels that everyday would be christmas like it is said.

  Though marriage is blessed and sweet but I must say that you don't have total knowledge on what comes after wedding except when you enters, that's when you will discover what marriage is all about and what makes up a good or bad marriage apart from the books authors put up there.

  Though  some book helps and prepares both parties as to what they will face and life expectations. Though there sweet words and coumsellots out there that guides in the steps to follow and all that but I must say that theory in this is only close to the practical but not totally the same.

  This can be likened to a simulation which suggests the way the actual scene is but when you are in the field the most important is what you do. So let us leave expectations and face reality on marriage expectations.

**Help the needy and love everyone**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Flat(m) .:. Thu, 05 Nov, 2020 - 06:14:46:am GMT

Hmmm! It’s always a good one when we have expectations, it simply means we have a focus or a pursuit. But in lieu of having this expectations, are we having the right expectations, hope the expectations are not unrealistic. I want my husband to wake up in the morning and bring tea for me while still on bed, I want my wife to always kneel down to greet whenever she wants to give me anything, my husband must be calling every minute to know my wellbeing, my wife must be calling me to know my wellbeing, more and more of these are the expectations of many of us when we get married. You see, marriage as a begin but the end of it is not known to anyone, we can’t really say it as an end but we can define how we want the end to look like. When demands are high, the suppliers will get tired of it at some point, most especially when there is lack of finances. If you really want to see a man at anger, just go and meet him when he is broke, by then you will know the true definition of anger. This is part of the things we would meet in marriage, when the man might be facing some financial difficulties making him incapable of providing for the family. If they tell you everything will be rosy all the time, just go and take eraser and erase it from your mind because you will fight battle, both physical and spiritual, you will face challenges but in the midst of all this, there is a joy awaiting at the end.
We can actually get what we want, we can actually get our expectations settled for us but most times I will advise you also get your mind-set ready for the bad times also, get yourself prepared for that time that will look as if you can’t continue the journey, get yourself prepared for that time that looks like the marriage should just go and you should be. Times like things need to be prepared for and not just the good expectations alone. May God help us.


**--**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: MichealThankGod(m) .:. Thu, 05 Nov, 2020 - 01:04:01:pm GMT

He who finds a wife, find a good thing and obtain favor from God, meaning, marriage is not ordained by the parents, pastors, church, society, or tradition but from God, and it is indeed a good thing, and there are blessings in it.
From my own point of view, the reason why we have chaos, conflicts, in marriage most especially this generation is it because, we are not going back to God who ordained marriages, for solution, whenever there is problems in the marriage, many would rather go and complain to there neighbours, there parents, to help the solve the issue going on their marriage.
Marriage truly demands a lot, financially, time, attention, and lot more.
To have a successful marriage, it takes God to be at the epicenter of the marriage, to make it work, meaning, if the husband or the wife offended you, instead of you seeing the wife or the husband offence, all you would see is God and then over look the mess.

It takes deep understanding, beyond the beautiful face, and the handsome face, while choosing a life partner. A lot of marriages are in big shambles, because they where deceived and carried away with the beautiful face and the handsome face.

**Ogun state**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Flat(m) .:. Sun, 15 Nov, 2020 - 08:58:44:pm GMT

Sincerely, most times when I think of marriage, I will just bow down my head and look up to God because this thing called marriage is really beyond the ordinary comprehension of human. No matter how long we tarry in dating or courtship, we would definitely spend more than that time when we get married and with this, we would be seeing ourselves putting on different kind of attitudes at each segment of marriage. So, since this journey is to eternity, what do we then do to make sure that we bring every of our expectation to strengthen the union. The most important thing is that unity must not be missing in the marriage; when we begin to chase things differently has individual in marriage and not as couples, that is the breakthrough for disunity. It is very important for us to ensure that all forms of expectations are narrowed down to meet the purpose of the marriage, both the expectations of the husband and the wife must be merge together so as to build a better family. Part of the things we need to know is that chasing things differently has couples will not only affect our marriage but it will go also go long way to affect the mentality of the children.
Again, it very important that we let the foundation of our expectations to be settled on God. Let everything we expect in our marriages be found in God, let it be based on the scriptures and also confirmed from our own conviction on it. Marriage is sweet, marriage is full of honey, marriage is honourable but to achieve all this, it takes hard work, it take commitment, it takes sincerity, it takes loyalty and it takes God’s grace to walk down the journey without looking back. So, let’s us be expectant not as individuals in marriage but as couples in marriage, we should learn to live for ourselves and not for myself. May God help us.


**--**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: MichealThankGod(m) .:. Mon, 16 Nov, 2020 - 04:21:17:pm GMT

There are Lot's of surprising attitudes, actions and unspeakable character that's are going to be expected in a  marriage, the wife or husband you married too is a prayer man or woman, does not make him or her a perfect being, no matter the kind of tongues the man or woman might be praying, does not guarantee him or her to be perfect, there is no human on earth, that does not has his or her own weakness.

Firstly, both of them agreed and admitted, they are imperfect.
There challenges are not discussed on social media, they don't owe social media any explanation, because they did not get married to social media, they solve their  challenges all by themselves through God.

The couple's that come on social media, to show there beautiful pictures, are the ones, that have the highest differences, but the Good news is, they don't complain, they don't see there weaknesses anymore, all they see is love and God at the epic center, they loved each other like that, they don't allow any third party to come and put them apart, they always and continually look over there weaknesses, mistakes and faults.


**Ogun state**


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Gbasky(m) .:. Tue, 24 Nov, 2020 - 12:12:26:pm GMT

Since the time I can make decisions for myself, I have been rolling with married men and women, I have been reading books about relationship and marriage, I have been listening to relationship programs both on radio and TV, yet I feel and know that I haven't had enough  to go into this thing called marriage, can anyone even have enough to into marriage? I don't think so. I have heard different experiences from from different marriages and this leaves me at contemplation. Looking at marriage from afar might look beautiful and enticing but you realise it is not the way it looks when you get into it proper, it can be the other way round. From testimonies, marriage is like living in a free bondage, a place where you don't have a choice but to live with, a place where you accept without exception. 
A pastor said something to me about marriage and that I also keep in my mind, he said "marriage is not something you should plan for but something you should prepare for". Planning for marriage might not be accurately effective unlike when you prepare for marriage. You get yourself prepared for things that you plan for and things that you don't and may likely to experience. Another person told me that marriage is difficult because you are going to be living with someone that is different from you in character for the rest of your life, even though you try to know each other more as time goes on, you will never know each other completely till death do you path, that was the scary part.
Growing up individually, we learn new things about ourselves that we don't know before and till now we still discover another new things about ourselves every day, that is just the it is with your partner too, you just have to manage to live together with your indifferences. People that understands that enjoy their marriage and celebrate while people that fails to understand pack up in the middle of the way and fall out.

****


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Re: Marriage Expectations... by: Oluwatomisin(f) .:. Sat, 27 Aug, 2022 - 10:35:17:am GMT

All the write-ups are eye-openers and loaded with knowledge. Singles have a whole lot of expectations for marriage which is okay to have but it will all turn out to be a reality when both men and women are ready to take up their responsibilities.

There are a lot of responsibilities in marriage and the responsibilities of a man are different from that of a woman. That is why many elderly people and religious settings emphasize preparation for marriage while you are still single because you don't learn to fight on the battleground.

As a woman, when you keep having high expectations for your marriage don't relent in learning what it takes to make those expectations come to pass. Many of us expect to have wonderful inlaws that will love us but do you know what it takes to keep such traits in them as time goes on?

As a man, when you keep having high expectations of loving your wife and never cheating on her but do you also take practical steps of making that a reality? Hope you are building capacity for a moment when her nagging can make you change your mind about her. As a man and woman don't just speak that expectation instead let actions follow.

**Always put God first **


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