Family/Parenting » DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Gooddypye(f) .:. Tue, 30 Apr, 2019 - 02:50:13:pm GMT

You have a right to disagree with the marital and life choices of your children but whatever you do, understand and treat them like the individuals (and adults) which they are. Respect that you can only act in an advisory role. Do that well and support your children with prayers because to hold on stubbornly, especially without even giving full explanations is to push then to rebel against you eventually.

Believe me, at some point, they will.

You cannot just think you can hold them to ransom forever and blackmail them with things like property, financial support, physical support etc or worse use emotional manipulations.

Treat them like the adults they are, respect them enough to explain your position and express your reservations. The rest is up to them.


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Re: DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Piwizo(m) .:. Tue, 30 Apr, 2019 - 04:41:34:pm GMT

A friend told me of how afraid she is to marry from the Yoruba.

Really? I needed to know why.

She said her parents which are urhobo don't like the Yoruba people. And she herself happens to be someone who so much love to marry the Yoruba people.

But in other to avoid trouble. She decided to heed to her parents even when she is in love with a Yoruba guy.

I have so much issues with parents been a barrier to their children decision about marriage. And this lady in particular so much don't like the urhobo guys because they are wicked according to her and they don't respect women.

We know as a parent, you will want your child to marry a good and faithful someone. But hope you know being faithful is not written on the foreheads.

There is no way misunderstanding won't come up in marriage.

Stop judging who will be good for your child or not.

All were created by God beautifully and wonderfully.


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Re: DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Oma_maron(m) .:. Thu, 02 May, 2019 - 12:43:42:pm GMT

On our journey from dating into marriage we all have our different roles to play in other to keep the covenant goal alive.

One thing alot of us do not always remember to do when dating is to help our family fall in love with our partner, we almost never remember this. We want to make sure our partner is loved and accepted by our family, but we do little to help them achieve that goal. We need each other's help when it comes to family, we all do.

Sometimes buy your mother a beautiful gift and pretend like it was your partner who got it for her, even though the whole cash came completely from your wallet... Help your partner win the heart of your family, do not leave them fighting to get in on their own, these are just some of the little love hacks we use as we walk into marriage.

Other times when you're with your family intentionally call your partner and towards the end of the call pass the phone to your dad and tell him Tom wants to say hello to him, that is of course if you're in a transparent relationship leading towards marriage and your family is aware. It creates for a few seconds of some in law bonding over the phone, and even if your partner is the shy type or one who doesn't really fancy doing that, be kind to encourage him to try, and not too frequently either...

Some do not even extend regards from boo or bae to mom, whether they sent their warm regards to your parents or not, once in a while when you're having a chat just mention that your partner asked how they 're doing today. These seemingly unimportant things are indeed very important to the growth of our relationship...

Help your partner fall in line.

Invite her to the wedding that the whole family will be attending next month.

Invite him to your family thanksgiving service at church, and reserve a seat for him close where the whole gang will be sitting.

Not just falling in line with parents, siblings too.

Tell him what your sister would like to have as a gift on her birthday in a few weeks.

Encourage her to text your brother best wishes on his next examination or audition.

Your partner might not know these things, they might not have all the details, don't leave them struggling to fit in, it is your family, you know them better, so help your partner fall in line.

Well, I just thought to leave this out here for anyone who understands spiritual things, it all works together with our tongues, after kneeling to pray for God's continues direction over your relationship, get up and figure out how you can physically work towards the direction of your answered prayers. Family love and acceptance does not come with prayer and fasting alone.

**Graced **

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Re: DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Velisa(f) .:. Fri, 03 May, 2019 - 01:09:35:pm GMT

Parents are as important as it gets, this cannot be emphasized enough. They usually represent the deepest source of general direction if we take away the supernatural but when it comes to some issues, the role of parents can really complicate things.

Of course parents want to protect their children but the ability of a parent to do this is limited by the experience and knowledge of such parent, something parents are not designed to understand. It is this that leads to parents believing that all of their decisions are right for a child. Unfortunately "children of nowadays" (generation Y and Z) are too stubborn to listen so tension builds.

The problem usually starts with when to settle down, "you are getting too old", "all your mates are married" but we all don't run the same life timeline so things cannot happen for everybody at the same time. Parents don't want to know this though, to them, a small delay is a major flag so they have to step in and get you a spouse (honestly you cannot really blame a parent for wanting to help a child) but sometimes they need to calm down.

Now, in the process of "panick-hooking up" they activate a candidate (or candidates) not desired or even needed, "my childhood friend's daughter", "the minister's son" and try to shove it down your throat but you already have a struggling "nobody" who has shown you love but waiting to tidy up other factors, the battle begins. If by some rare feat, you manage to win this one, it will remain a recurring reference for everything to follow Wedding time and the young man calling for a small, manageable ceremony, you hear "if you had listened to us and married the minister's son".

Not everybody goes through this though, for some, their issues start from the point where wedding plans commence. They forget, it is actually not their wedding so they call all the shots the guest list, the venue, the vendors, the colours,the bride price, everything. End result? a couple celebrating a wedding that really is not theirs. At least, now the ordeal is over and they can begin to make their own decisions at home, right? False. Overbearing parents don't ever stop and you dare not speak to them about their attitude else they invoke the "9 months and breast suckle" speech.

Very few things will test your maturity and readiness for marriage as much as this will so it is very key to handle it with care. Too much independent mindedness and you start a situation that might keep things sour for decades, too much dependence and you also setup a situation where you are overrun. There needs to be a balance, do what your mind really wants but be open to suggestions and allow the wisdom others have acquired help you upgrade your plans. Where you know tension will arise, speak firmly but with humility and listen more than you speak (trust me on this one, arguments will not help), still, make sure what's being done is what YOU want.


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Re: DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Obinnaoguji(m) .:. Sun, 16 Jun, 2019 - 11:56:20:am GMT

This is one of the messages we can't stop disseminating. Every adult child has the right to marry someone of their choice, but the case is still different with most parents. Most parents provide financially and other wise to their children until they thirty-five years of age. What do you expect from such parents.

Young adult must learn to take responsibilities. It helps. You must start making some independent life choices even before you get to marital affairs. Don't leave some decision, no matter how little, to your parents once you become a young adult.

Parents having a marital choice for their children happens mostly with the female children though male children experience it as well. I wonder whether they want marital happiness for their children at all.

Most times there are things the parents may know that the children don't know about their choices. It takes a sound, objective and convincing reasons to listen to the parents, nor because of some stereotype and mindset about a set of people.

Let's not raise weaklings who cannot make life decisions. It all starts from little decisions we think that don't matter. They really matter. Research has shown that when we win at little things over time, we gain the confidence to try something big.

Life is that simple, let's not make it complicated.

**Obinna Oguji**

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Re: DEAR ABLED PARENTS by: Fellybabe(f) .:. Wed, 10 Jul, 2019 - 01:10:51:pm GMT

We all pray for marriages to work out but when it gets to the breaking point, do we really think about the welfare of the children when we declare things like "a mother cannot take the children away"?

What's worse is how these things are said by fathers who are unable to give adequate attention and care to said children. Like that is not bad enough, sometimes it is the mothers of husbands, who themselves understand the bond and importance of a mother to a child, some of who are still being breastfed, that instigate and support such moves.

It is mean to make out children into weapons of the divorce war. This, possible though, because many times, fear has been down in the hearts of said women so much so they lose belief that there is a legal system in place that can help them over custody.

**God's light**

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