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Romance » Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Joyafrikanna(f) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 06:03:02:am GMT

I and my friend, were talking about relationship and love some few days back and I remembered saying 'compatibility' is an important ingredient in choosing a life partner, she disagreed and said 'adjustability' is far more important.

Compatibility means able to get along well. It's a state in which two or more people are able to work well without conflict. While adjustability means to change to fit circumstances.

To build a good relationship, both are needed, but when it comes to which should be put into first consideration, I still believe it's compatibility and here are my reasons.

First is, our belief is an important part of who we are. And I believe that in the area of 'beliefs' you cannot easily just change your belief to suit someone else. It took years to build such beliefs. So in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts, being in a relationship with someone who shares same belief as you do, be it religious, social, psychological and so on, is way much preferable than trying to change them to suit someone else, because a change of belief can so drastically affect your sense of the world and how you see yourself. For instance can a feminist have a good relationship with a misogynist. That's a capital NO, there'd always be conflict of belief.

Secondly, is change is a very hard thing to come by. People find it difficult to change certain things. That's why you'd always hear, "I thought I could change him". When you see a character or behaviour your type of person cant put up with, that's a clear sign that the relationship isn't for you, because people hardly change.

So which do you think is more important in a relationship? Thanks

**Afrikaana love**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Osaroju(m) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 06:23:25:am GMT

Being that both characteristics are still good, why go for adjustments when you can have compactibility
**Don't be a good student and a bad teacher.**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Holashayo(f) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 09:05:09:am GMT

The problems most christians got themselves to, is marrying an unbeliever, all in the name of changing him/her.

It is advisable to consider both compatibility and adjustability when building a relationship, because no one is perfect.,it is not possible for you to see a man/woman who will perfectly match you.,there is always be a BUT. That is why adjustability is needed too.

But compatibility or adjustability, only God can choose the right partner for us.

Looking at the world today, the most reasons why people choose adjustability over compatibility may be because of love, or because of money he/she has.,not mindful of the consequences.

people shouldn't adjust to relationship only for their selfish desires.,unless God has approves it.

God can purposely want to use you to change the life of your partner.,and that is when adjustability will comes first.

**Damiswag**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Gbasky(m) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 09:32:20:am GMT

Good topic you have raised there, I am part of the school of thought who speaks of much more relevant and important ingredients of a long lasting relationship and marriage. Often times have I aired my opinion that love is not enough, love is not always enough, there are other relevant ingredients to look out for she going into marriage especially, two of which you just talked about.

Compatibility and adjustability are very essential tools in considering a life partner, while one is needed prior to the commencement of the journey, the other works during the course of the journey.

Of course it is only safe to consider the compatibility level between you and the other party first, as a matter of fact, that is the right step to take. Looking into the beliefs, level of exposure, standard of education, and others of the other party before agreeing to embark on the journey together is important, if you are not so different in opinion, taste, background and others, that speaks volume of your compatibility level. When your likes are also his/her likes and your dislikes are also his/hers, then you can say you are compatible.

Where there is compatibility in a relationship, the possibility of any misunderstanding is reduced to minimal.

Adjustability at the other end is not a very hygienic method to practice, but at the same time it is inevitable considering the most constant factor "change". When you don't like to eat beans as a lady but that seems to be your guy's favorite, then eventually it becomes your best food too because you now prepare it for him every now and then, that is adjustability.

Now I will tell you for free that no matter how compatible you are, you are still going to need that adjustability tool if you want an healthy marriage or relationship. We as humans bring out new character every now and then, so we can't rely so much on compatibility as we might to adjustability to rescue us.

Note: I am not saying you should go for adjustability when you have an option of compatibility, as I have stated earlier that adjustability is not very hygienic to practice first, but you can't do without bringing it into use, that is after you consider compatibility first.

****

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: TYMartins(f) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 06:53:47:pm GMT

Compatibility and adjustability, I feel are both important in the relationship. Being compatible with your partner makes it easier for you to adjust or compromise than when compatibility is a problem on its own. Getting a partner who is extremely compatible to you and your vision or characters or any other thing in your bucket list is really hard to find. They say opposite attracts right,so it's possible to settle for someone that isn't completely compatible or not even compatible with you and you find it way easier to adjust than you finding someone who is compatible and feeling they should understand when you find it hard to adjust cos you both are almost alike.

It's not so easy to adjust but when the element of commitment and efforts to make things work comes in play, adjustability becomes easier than it should.

Being compatible with your partner is a necessary ingredient, however, being able to adjust as well to your partner's personality as well as values, is also a necessity. They function simultaneously with one another. They are both necessary and cannot function independently per say.

**With God nothing is impossible**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Abbey(m) .:. Fri, 05 Feb, 2021 - 09:25:07:pm GMT

The two are important in a relationship but I believe that compatibility is more important in building a relationship.

Compatibility is more important if you are both compatible the you are good to go in compatibility there are some things which are to be considered such as the blood group one have to know the type of blood group of his or her spouse there are so many people in a relationship which there blood group and genotype does not match each other that is an example of compatibility.

The genotype of both partners must match each other that will give them a good life style like in this case of genotype you can not adjust anything except you won't to risk the life of your unborn children.

The second aspects of compatibility is the person who you are in a relationship with does he or she suit you is it a person who you can live the rest of your life with did you love him with the whole of your heart.

Adjustability can just be done only in some cases in a relationship such as character maybe you notice something strange in your partner character then you can call on his or her attention to notify him or her to change for better.

**Abbey **

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Joyafrikanna(f) .:. Thu, 11 Feb, 2021 - 08:48:18:am GMT

@Gbasky: You summed it all. Both are indeed important
**Afrikaana love**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Obajichi(f) .:. Fri, 12 Feb, 2021 - 09:22:09:am GMT

Both are qualities that go hand in hand in all forms of relationships.

In marriage, two people from different backgrounds come together, so for them to cope well, they must adjust to some changes.

It's only when you can adjust that you can say that you're compatible. This adjustment also includes some level of compromise because you cannot always have the final say or let the pendulum always swing to your direction in issues that concerns the both of you.

If you can adjust to changes amongst your siblings or in your family ,then you can do that in a marital relationship that'll eventually prove whether or not you are compatible.

They both go together.

**I love being me.**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Obajichi(f) .:. Fri, 12 Feb, 2021 - 09:22:14:am GMT

Both are qualities that go hand in hand in all forms of relationships.

In marriage, two people from different backgrounds come together, so for them to cope well, they must adjust to some changes.

It's only when you can adjust that you can say that you're compatible. This adjustment also includes some level of compromise because you cannot always have the final say or let the pendulum always swing to your direction in issues that concerns the both of you.

If you can adjust to changes amongst your siblings or in your family ,then you can do that in a marital relationship that'll eventually prove whether or not you are compatible.

They both go together.

**I love being me.**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Fashnet(m) .:. Mon, 15 Feb, 2021 - 11:51:02:am GMT

@holashayo: This is another interesting topic of discourse as this is a very sensitive matter when it comes to relationship of any type. Compatibility or adjustability in relationship building. The following explanation gives more light on the matter.

The truth of the matter is that there is no one hundred percent perfect relationship anywhere in the world, be it in Nigeria, any part of African country, or outside Africa as a whole. Every relationship has its various forms of challenges.

This is as a result of the different trainings each person had, trainings like how to talk, how to greet, how to sleep, how to approach a matter and many other forms of trainings each person might have gone through.

Another factor could be the type of culture and traditions that differs from country to country, race, tribe, tongue, colour and the likes. All these forms of differences are what makes up the character and behaviour of each person.

As these differs it shows that the type of attribute that each person shower or manifests differs. So as it comes to relationship there is need for adjustability because this would make the relationship to thrive and to work out successfully.

Though the best is compatibility because no matter how a man or a woman that is not compatible tries to adjust some times there will still be problems in the relationship. Once both parties are compatible then it makes the relationship to last longer.

There are lots of people in relationships today that are not compatible and this issue can put an end to the relationship any time because both parties would not be on the same page.

**Help the needy and love everyone**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: KestyBrown(m) .:. Mon, 15 Feb, 2021 - 07:30:20:pm GMT

In my humble opinion, compatibility comes first afore adjustability. In essence, one needs to know what he/she is into before even adjusting to that instant.

In relationship, two people of matured minds are exoected to have things in common, things that are compatible and wouldn't lead to argument or fight whatsoever. For this cause, it is expected that the individuals involved should seek to know and find out what each other likes or dislikes, if both have mutual interest or compatibility.

Some people think its just commitment, trust, loyalty and understanding that makes a perfect relationship. I'm telling you right now that it doesn't work that way, relationship isn't easy, it is an everyday learning process, and what works for one couple doesn't necessarily works for the other, its all about the dilemma/perspective.

That is why it is essential that individuals have mutual interest(compatibility) towards one another, and its a phase and growing movement.

Imagine a guy that likes watching cartoons (Just saying), dates a girl who likes Painting in her free time, and doesn't even find it comfortable watching cartoons , theres no mutual interest between them, they are rather enduring the relationship instead of enjoying the relationship. Another scenario, look at a girl who loves watching soccer and then her fellow (a guy) likes watching soccer, we can see from there that the equation is balanced, there is compatibility. That is what is expected of any relationship is that there should be a compatibility ground between the two couples instead of distrust or trying to adjust to each other's differences in the long run in the relationship.

Seek compatibility and all other factors in a relationship are secondary.

**The pursuit of Excellence is gratifying and healthy **

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Bunmitty(f) .:. Tue, 16 Feb, 2021 - 09:03:40:am GMT

This is a very good and important topic.

From my own perspective I think both are important factors to having a good and smooth relationship. Firstly, it's your compatibility with someone that you consider before you even think about going into a relationship with the person. I mean, if you two are not compatible, what will keep you two going on the long run. You can't just claim to love someone and not consider if the person shares the same life values with you or not. If the values you share and the goals you both have are not going in the same direction, you would likely not go far with the relationship. Compatibility is very important in determining how far a relationship goes.

Now if you two are not compatible, you would just be clashing over things that are not meaningful. Take for instance, you cannot as a Christian marry a Muslim. You two are already incompatible and he relationship is bound to have some faults because the foundation of everything is wrong already. You might claim that you understand each other well and have talked on how on you would accommodate each other's religious goals, but the truth is, over time, issues will arise. What will happen when you want your children to follow after you in the Christian faith and your spouse wants them to go in the other direction? You will have issues, no matter the decisions that have been taken between you two prior to that time. So please, compatibility is very important and it can not be over emphasized. This religious aspect is just one out of many that one must consider when talking about compatibility between two people. There are other aspects like goals, values (very important) etc. May God help us. Nobody knows it all, we are just people who can only be helped by God.

****

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Vickybrown(m) .:. Tue, 16 Feb, 2021 - 06:36:54:pm GMT

Well from my own point of view I would go with adjustability.

When people are so compartible in a relationship, it's cool to some extent.

But one thing you need to know is that we are humans.

Since we are humans, we are bound to change positively or negatively.

As humans we are also bound to make mistakes.

So in a relationship where there's compartibility, at some point in time there could be issues in terms of attitude or behaviour.

These couples that are so compartible might find it hard to adjust themselves in other to suit one another because they are not used to it.

So I would prefer adjustibility to compartibility.

**Just me**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Victoria(f) .:. Tue, 02 Mar, 2021 - 08:44:05:pm GMT

I love the fact that someone was able to ascertain that there is a clear difference between compatibility and adjustability. They are world apart of you actually think about it. On a second thought, even if you look at it at face value, it still doesn't change the fact that they are actually different. The problem in some relationships is the fact that some people mistake both of them for each other or try to convince themselves that one is actually the other when it isn't so. Trying to put the two side by side and trying to establish a similarity between both of them makes being in a relationship so stressful. Don't mix them up.

When you are compatible with someone, it means you complement each other. You and that person form a perfect piece when they put both of your imperfect pieces together. It's basically like a negative times negative that gives a positive answer. You are each other's other half, each other's missing rib. You people basically complete each other. Whatever you lack is abundant in him or her and vice versa. That's the person who was made for you. You were made for him or her and he or she was made for you and no matter how much you try to get away from each other, you Always find yourselves coming back to each other. You are soul mates. Saying something is compatible means those things go well with each other. It's just like bread and butter. You don't always take them together but there's no denying that they go well together. When two people are compatible, they are a perfect match or a perfect fit and everybody sees it. It's something that can't be denied. Every relationship has it's issues but a relationship based on compatibility creates a foundation for an easy way to solve issues. Since both partners understand each other, everything goes smoothly almost always except for those tiny issues that may occur though.

**Live, love and heal...**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Victoria(f) .:. Tue, 02 Mar, 2021 - 08:45:03:pm GMT

Adjustability isn't for everyone. It would be better if everyone knew that now. You can't always adjust to every situation, you know? Sometimes it's a lost cause trying to adjust to certain situations. If you ask me, I would tell you not to every get into any relationship where you have to adjust yourself to suit the requirements of the partner and the relationship itself. When you adjust so many things, you do not even know who you are anymore because everything about you will be accustomed to the adjustments you've been desperately trying to make.

He doesn't love you or she doesn't love you and you know it but still you choose to stay in that relationship saying you'll adjust to the lovelessness of the situation. Oh please, leave that for those who don't have a choice like those that have been forced into an arranged marriage and all. I'm a kind of person who advocates for people putting themselves first in a relationship and not the other person. Trying to adjust to various situations in a relationship is a sign of you putting the other person in the relationship first and not yourself. You really do not need to make so many adjustments. It's okay if you tweak and change some things to keep your relationship going but there are some situations where you really should not try that. If you know that the person you're into isn't so much into you and you feel you should make some adjustments to yourself so that he or she will like you, you really should reconsider. Someone who won't make adjustments for you shouldn't in any way get your own adjustments. Love isn't enough sometimes, you know? If you aren't compatible with someone then you really should figure out a way to live without that person instead of trying to force things. Things that happen naturally last longer. Adjustability is a scam of you ask me. There's no guarantee that it's going to end well.

**Live, love and heal...**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Victoria(f) .:. Tue, 02 Mar, 2021 - 08:46:14:pm GMT

To build a relationship you should rely more on your compatibility with your partner rather than your ability to adjust. Take a look at this situation. When you first got into the relationship, there are obviously some things you don't know about the guy. You feel you're compatible and you're super happy and you begin to love at a pace you like. You're a virgin and you plan on being that way till your wedding night but suddenly he brings up the topic of sex. You shut him down all the times he has asked and then he says he's not going to ask again but then you notice that he has gotten overly touchy, trying to go beyond your already set boundaries. You finally realize that you aren't all that compatible as you once thought. You know that if you were truly compatible, he would understand you and also try to work things out and love at your own pace without making either of you feel uncomfortable. He would've have even tried to make a compromise instead but he doesn't do that, instead he is just being plain creepy and uncomfortable. And you in all your kindness and your love and affection for him decide to stay in the relationship thinking you can adjust to it. After all, it's just a couple of touches and brushes here and there. You are seriously trying to adjust and in that way, you're changing everything about you. Your resolve to keep your virginity till your wedding night begins to shake and all of a sudden, you just aren't sure anymore of what you should do.

If you really want to build a relationship with someone, you need to be sure of your compatibility. You ability to adjust may not be as strong as you think. And even if it is, you may lose some parts of yourself trying to be who you're not, doing things you would never do and making decisions you know you shouldn't.

**Live, love and heal...**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Olatoke(m) .:. Thu, 03 Nov, 2022 - 06:09:15:am GMT

Both compatibility and adjustability is very important in a marriage, why both are important is that you can practice one and leave the other .
The definition of marriage Say joining together of husband and wife , the process by which you both have joint together as one is a covenant.

There should be a way forward for any action taken in marriage, if you guys are not comparable you won't enjoy your home until you are comparable before you will get to each other ways of habits.
Husband and wife have to be fair with each other you don't have to hide anything from your partner.

You should always give room for tolerance and mistake in one way or the other lapsis will reveal in a marriage it is now left to you to cover the lapsis .
Husband and wife take yourself as one show love to each other respect each other and live happily.
**Olatoke **

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: SamuelKingsley93(m) .:. Thu, 03 Nov, 2022 - 09:06:50:pm GMT

Well, hmm, it is an interesting question. it is easy to go for the compatibility because who like stress. No one just fine the partner that's compatible with you same beliefs, attitudes and interest just like a soulmate. But something we don't get is that for a man or a woman to change for you, simply means he or she is so into you.
Yeah most persons especially Christians have paid the price so beautifully, hoping one day he or she will change for you but instead got your heart or your head broken. If you are so in to the person you are in a relationship with; you could make use of the adjustability selector to know if he or she is into you.

I still go for the compatibility though but if a guy or girl goes to any length just to be with you by adjusting his or her lifestyle, that means the handwritting in the wall is quite easy to read
**Samuel Kingsley**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: PrinceBenjamin(f) .:. Fri, 04 Nov, 2022 - 06:00:20:pm GMT

For me I think that the both should be considered. You cannot live with somebody unless you're ready to adjust to the persons ways and you cannot live with a person or adjust untill your ready to be peaceful. Conflict can be resolved if both parties are ready to have it resolved. There is no person in this world as perfect as you want it to be! We can only try and adjust to for us to be to getter and it can be archived if both parties are willing to live peacefully. My idea is that one cannot work without the other both should be considered for conflict to be resolved.
**Prince Benjamin**

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Oluwatomisin(f) .:. Sat, 05 Nov, 2022 - 11:02:15:am GMT

I so much like the way you balance your article. Compatibility and adjustability are very needed in every relationship although one is more needed than the other; compatibility is more needed than adjustability. You don't come into a relationship with adjustability, you agree to love because you think you are both compatible in some ways.

Many times we even love without thinking we are compatible because of the butterflies flying in the belly not until the chips are down and our eyes clear. That is when you start realizing there are still a lot of boxes left untick. What will now keep such a relationship is the ability to adjust where necessary.

Adjustment doesn't mean you would compromise on your core values or try to lower the right standards of yours. No! No! No! To adjust simply means to meet in the middle. You bring your own opinion and your partner brings his opinion. You both meet in the middle; that's the beauty of a relationship.

**Always put God first **

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Re: Compatibility or adjustability which is more important in building a relationship? by: Florida(f) .:. Mon, 07 Nov, 2022 - 03:15:38:pm GMT

You have really spoken well. To me, compatibility comes first before adjustability, although both are needed in a relationship.

Compatibility is when the two people are in agreement because can two walk together except they agree? No! There are cases where we need compatibility such as religion, beliefs, etc that are basic foundations in our lives.
But adjustability is needed in cases of behaviour that are not dangerous to our mental health... Let's say the man likes to eat roughly and the lady hates it, she can teach him to adjust to how to eat neatly , that one is a different case. Or let's say he doesn't lay the bed before sleeping and the wife teaches him how to lay the bed before sleeping...he is adjusting that way to become a better person. So both are needed but we should not bring adjustability first into our core beliefs and values... compatibility first then adjustability in any other area needed.
**Keep doing good.**

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