Once in a while, on a perfectly ordinary day, you busy yourself with the motions of your life, probably shopping at the mall or queuing for fuel or whatever it is you get busy with. You are there, in the simplicity of the life you have constructed for yourself post break up, when suddenly, without warning, you stumble into the ex. If you are lucky, the ex in question would have aged miserably or at least grown bald and pimpled. But if you are not, (and letâ€™s face it, these things hardly travel with luck) the ex looks exactly the same, only this time, shinier, happy, like actually happy. Not that anyone should go about wishing some incurable disease upon their ex, but just generally chin fat here, some flabs there, anything that makes it harder for them to jet off with their stinking rich or super model replacement of you. #Haha Jokes apart, stumbling into a part of your life you have left behind can be awkward. I would know because I still duck once in a while when I come upon an old classmate or acquaintance from a former life. I have never been sure what to say or how to play catch up with the latest version of people. So imagine where the person you are stumbling into happens to be someone you were once romantically involved with. Where do you start from? What do you say? And beyond being polite, what do you really do with an ex? Like what are the rules or boundaries when it comes to interacting with them? The question kind of crept into a conversation with my girlfriends. One person said past romantic relationships should be buried so deep, that you are never able to reach for it again. Another person thought it was mature and reasonable to stay friends. So the debate went, complete closure or friend zone? There was a time I would have opted for friend zone, a time I would have sang cheerily at the prospect of maintaining relationships with people for the sake of not knowing when you may need them. You know, the kind of cheesy, motivational punch line, network your way to the top kind of thing. Except that it doesnâ€™t really work, not with relationships at least. Most people, post break up, (myself inclusive), insist on friendship with ulterior motive. There is always that silent intention, that unspoken hope that the ex will hang around long enough to see what an incredible mistake they have made in leaving you. And because wisdom is often the profit of time and experience, I have learned that keeping a person who wants nothing to do with you only prolongs inevitable heartache. So, as of today, my stand is complete closure. This is easier said than done in the age of Instagram following, but still, I advocate complete closure, with certain exceptions if you are able to answer the following questions. 1. Where you friends first? If you had always been friends before getting intimate, then you are likely to revert back to being friends. Not that itâ€™s easy, but its a scenario that makes it workable. 2. Is there a shared outcome of the relationship? Like a child or a business? Obviously, you have to stay connected one way or the other if the relationship produced a child. There is no excuse to keep a child away from one parent. Absolutely none. 3. Do you move in unavoidably similar circles? You have to agree, it will be ridiculous to remain sworn enemies who fight publicly and throw shades every other day if you both work in a similar industry or move around the same circle. You could save your colleagues the embarrassment and find a way to stay cordial. So friend zone, definitely. 4. Have you moved on? Not that moving on is this thing that is ever clearly defined. I know someone who in a four year relationship, continues to dream about his former girlfriend. So, if you are sure that you are completely over an ex, it might be okay to maintain a cordial friendship. But like I said, its a tricky thing, the mind and the heart often has its way around each other. 5. Has time passed? Because you never truly get over a relationship that has not been severed by time and distance. An ex who gives you distance, no matter how painful it seems initially, has done you the greatest favour. Take advantage. Only after distance and time can you forge ahead with friendship. The list is not exhaustive, Iâ€™m sure there are other instances that makes it okay to stay friends with your ex. Though I think these kind of friendships should be heavily guarded. I think some parts of our lives should be left behind, so that we can truly embrace, without weight or burden, then endless possibilities of the future. But I would love to get your opinion and learn. Is it okay to stay friends with an ex? Drop your answers in the comment section.
Re: Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex? by: Piwizo .:. Tue, 08 Jan, 2019 - 12:49:49:pm GMT
For me, it's cool to stay friend with your ex. Well i read a write up that says been friend with your ex is maturity. Yeah! we know they used to be one before, they use to share feelings together before and suddenly it ended. It does not stop you from being friends. But as for me, i will prefer it should be a distance friendship. They shouldn't be as close as before. Not making your ex to be your best friend cause even if you have nothing together anymore but just friends, your present partner might see you having affairs with your ex cause you are too close. Avoid close relationship with ex. Cause the more closer you become the more you are reminded of your past memories. The moments you shared together will start reflecting back. And you both might end up into having affairs again. You can be friends but not close friends. You already path ways. As for me hi! HI! IS enough. Can i take you out for dinner tomorrow? Nope!. Yeah! that's the truth, dinner for what? you are no more dating. You are just friends. Avoid anything that can remind you of past memories only if you still want to have him/her back. Then dinner can be sure. Then if the person is not showing attitude that proves you can be together again, then let go of that person. Move on with your life. If you are also trying to be friend with your ex and it seems he/she is not showing interest, move on. You can't force those who never wished to love you to do so. Let them go. When they need you, they will come for you. If the chances come for you to stay as friends, no problem. But i will advice it shouldn't be a close relationship.
Re: Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex? by: Gooddypye .:. Wed, 09 Jan, 2019 - 08:38:11:am GMT
@piwizo: Well i agreed with the point you gave. And you are right, anything can come up if they are close friends. Seriously it is more matured to stay friend with ex. But not close friends. I so much support that ideal. And another thing is individual differences, some people like staying friends with ex, while some will. And you can't force any one to stay friend with ex. Some people were badly hurt by their ex that they don't even want to see them across their way. And staying friend with ex with be determined by how the relationship broke. Some relationship broke in a very bad way that both partners don't even want to sight each others let alone of saying hi to each others. If you find it right staying friend with your ex, no problem. But if you don't, no problem. But it's more right to be friends with each others.